I have always hated sunsets, they just give me this strong sense of depression so when I read your piece I could totally get to that place. The images you penned made me picture a woman feeling too lonely in a big world... It really broke my heart
Wow Saffie ... this is an amazing poem !
I really have no words for this!
5 years ago
Sometimes words don't come after I read a poem and this is one of those times...which with me, is a good thing. Your words paint the scene perfectly and I felt this sadness and pain. Good luck contest wise :)
5 years ago
by Tara Kay
I'm not even going to attempt to convey my thoughts on this piece...they are travelling at a speed to fast to process...
A heartbreaking scene, but a beautiful one behind the sorrow...tough emotions to pen but you totally got it and made the reader feel every word
We start with an amazing analogy, the realisation that you will never see this person again hits, in tune with the sun setting. Such a sad start, but a clever start. It is a warning that this poem is deeper than it first appears.
Reading stanza 2 makes me think that the silhouettes represent life moving on, you are in a pit of sadness yet you can see that the buildings still stand, people are still going about their lives, this sadness hasn't touched them, The blue reference is clever and ties in with the emotions of this piece.
You cannot move, you cannot accept that you will have to rejoin those in the city, you will need to move on.
Describing tears as drops of loneliness is very clever, the black sun rising is also a fantastic metaphor.
You have managed to cram real sadness into this piece, well done. An easy 10 from me.
4 years ago
This is such a beautiful poem so full of emotion and raw sadness. I can understand this so much. You lost someone close to you and you did such a wonderful job putting your feelings into a poem. Kneeling beside your grave. I understand this well. Its not great but its one way you move on and cope. I love the first lines though because the sun goes down means night comes out and you feel very lonely and you want to feel comfort. Depression is the night here I feel. I love the colors decribing the city. It seems so small to where you are. It seemed blue yesterday because you were happy then! It's crazy how one thing can change your moods.
Losing your love to death is not great but you always have to remember they are in a better place now. I love how you say there is a chill in the air or how cold it is here. I love the connection of being happy and now sad and that factor is losing your loved one. Flowers in my mind show you truly care and still miss and love them. I love the pillow of flower petals. They are soft and resting your head will be great. You still want to feel like they are next to you so you lie down next to them to still feel loved.
I love how you seem to find a friend in the dirt. We seem to always find comfort in the smallest of things. Ilove the words you ddescribe for crying. Drops of loneliness. ... it's a great way to show how sad you really are inside. At the end it seems like you might be starting over. You are sad because you can't be with this person so it is hard to move on. But you can! Well deserved win when it was written! ! 5/5
You are one of the most amazing writers I have ever met! You paint such imagery and you can feel every emotion with what you write. This poem is really heartbreaking to me cuz I recently had to put my dog down after 12 years she was my best friend and my family and I buried her in our yard and I bought a heart shaped stone for her grave.. I laid there and cried on her stone with flowers in my hand just wishing to turn back time. Reading this I found myself crying. Someday I hope to aspire to write like you. (:
4 years ago
Memories of a person lost, a saga, can be hard to let go of, but what a beautiful way of expressing such a happening. Thank you for sharing.
4 years ago
by Midnight Sky
Long but you told a good story that is the important thing
An Irreplaceable write, beautiful in darkness and wrought with the purest despair. I like the centralized idea the ends up uniting the poem "the black sun" incorporating this validates the rest of the write into one beautiful package.