Comments : Sun Curls in my Shoes

  • 11 years ago

    by Jad

    First off, I have missed reading your work and talking with you!! But for your comment...

    A very lonely walk for someone as wonderful as you, but the poem has a ton of imagery in its lines. There's a certain atmosphere of sadness and longing to belong somewhere in the poem and I like the way you incorporated the idea that you were traveling to nowhere. The imagery was really good but I found it hard to experience some of the things you wrote about in your poem such as the smell of burnt cactus. I know that that's a common smell in your area though so I find it perfectly suitable that you placed it in your poem. :]

    I believe the last line in your first stanza should be "dry, hollow wind." The comma is to separate the adjectives before your noun.

    However, I believe the poem was really good. The message was delivered really good and even though the poem has a sad tone all throughout it, I loved how you used the title as the last line as a sense of happy thoughts seemingly. Great job and keep writing!!

    • 11 years ago

      by Sunshine

      We dont have cactus heheeheh :P butttttttttt i was implying a desert scene :P

      thanks a lot Jad :)

  • 11 years ago

    by Britt

    The title is what caught my eye, and I giggle a little because of it to be honest. I had no idea it would end up being such a sad poem, though I should've known as it was coming from you :P

    I see you still are consistent with your sun/yellow and walking :) I really appreciate that. It's defined you and your poetry and sets you apart.. it's make the poem "Nana".

    Love the idea of burnt cactus. I can't imagine it ever burning since it's in the desert as is, lol, but I'm sure it has some weird scent! I really like the image it gave me, too.

    As always, this was a really amazing poem.

    • 11 years ago

      by Sunshine

      :) haha britt, you always have special comments, i appreciate! thank you love

  • 9 years ago

    by Yakori bint Muhammed

    You're the queen that perfectly executes metaphors in her poetry. You embody them so well one gets carried away from the message and gets consumed by the imagery you produce. Kudos with that.

    I love the 1st stanza, especially how you described the desert as a "rough shelf". That to me conveys an agonizing period for the subject. That singular act got him/her into a phase that caused a sequence of trials.
    Using these phrases ; "hot soil" and
    "burnt cactus", obviously denotes pain and distress to the person involved.

    In the 3rd stanza I see someone feeling empty, wallowing in despair. Having no vision nor objective to lead him to a better tomorrow. Time is not a promising friend as the subject is left earnestly without a goal to pursue. Day in, day out life seems burdensome hence plunging one into despondency.

    At the end of this subjects formidable journey. He/she ends up reaching nowhere without anything but with a burden to see that life gets better.
    From what I understood of this poem. You related a miserable tale of how we get stuck trying to untangle ourselves from life's uncertainties that shroud us. It can be self-inflicted or you might be a victim.

    However, with the seeming melancholic tone radiating in all the lines. I could see this person has an unrelenting faith to keep on persevering. Despite the predicament he/she will keep journeying till luck finds him/her. A profound write as usual of you. And gets one into a reflective mood to ponder on your message. Though it's a saddening piece I find it beautifully conceived with those vibrant images gracing our minds.
    I loved it!