Everything has an end (acrostic)

by Wafaa   Mar 3, 2013


Eyes crafted with the scars of loss, became
vulnerable to the slightest view
Ears damaged by the echo of whispers
recklessly destroying their ability to hear
Youth wasted over days of insecurity and
tolerance to things that are wrong
Health replaced by skinny figures and
illness of the mind and soul
No more trust found in conversations, only
gossip occupying their brains

How did our world become so cold
aging miserably as we grow old
solid bonds we no longer hold

Alacrity and wisdom no longer exist as hearts went
numb and humanity is missed

Efforts directed in all the bad ways
nourishing corruption and erasing mistakes
Days of glory gone with the wind.

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  • 10 years ago

    by Saerelune

    Your way of writing really interests me here. You don't seem to directly describe the image that's in your mind, rather tiptoe around it, trying to suggest it, which I think is a very effective method in straying from triteness. I think your opening lines already prove what I just said:
    "Eyes crafted with the scars of loss, became
    vulnerable to the slightest view"
    ^ It's my favourite line in this whole poem too. I can imagine this person's eyes having seen a lot of misery in their life, perhaps provoking insecurity, causing the person to look down (sign of shyness/insecurity) whenever someone looks at them. You see, the way you worded it still leaves some mystery but is clear enough to evoke the reader's imagination.

    What also interested me was the clear contrast within your poem. The first stanza seems to focus a lot on a victim: someone who's damaged by others, who tolerates hurt because they're too insecure to step up, whose insecurity seems to have affected their mental and physical health, who's probably heard so many things (gossip) that they do not trust any other person anymore.
    Whereas, the following three stanzas, seem to have more of a blaming rather than a sympathetic tone: indicating that you're speaking to the commiters of these crimes.
    What adds to the contrast is that your first stanza is very detailed, whereas the following stanzas touch the subjects more in a general way.

    At first I wasn't much fond of this contrast because, to me, it seemed like you didn't really know where to head with your meaning (whether it should be positioned from the victim's side of committer's side), but upon reading this poem several times I think you did a fine job at integrating both sides. Perhaps a little bit more hints could've made it clearer but then again I see you're restriced by the form. You had to end many sentences with "and", for example, whilst usually it would've been more natural to begin a sentence with "and". Then again, you did keep the flow steady, so that's not really a problem. Just saying that it was rather clear you were restricted by form, so it's understandable you couldn't smoothen out a bridge to serve your content.

    I also had to wonder what the connection was between your poem and its title, because the meaning of the title only seem to come back in the ending lines. I understand that you're trying to say that society used to have a heart, but now that has come to an end, resulting in all the horrors described in the first stanza. Yet I think the meaning of the title could've been more evident within the poem itself.

    Something I truly think is worthy of praising, though, is your flow (as mentioned above). Your poem has a rather songlike quality even though you're not even rhyming a lot and that's because you've got great rhythm here.

    Overall, I think this was a decent effort to put forth such a big message. I think your skills really shined through the first stanza especially, and I think it's mostly the second half that needs a little bit "tightening up". Keep writing!

  • 11 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Sonia- The deterioration of society is a topic that makes most people speechless... this poem speaks volumes... love this!

  • 11 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Wow, this is impressive. i really think the message int his is very fitting right now with everything that is going on, also it is very deep because as much as people want to ignore these problems and feel they do not matter, they are huge in the world! You mention skinny figures, that in itself is such a huge and deep topic because the socitey and media have shaped young peoples mind to be this way therefor it creates a standard for them to meet, in turn this causes the mind and health problems.

    Fantastic meaning in your poem and well done for fitting it into the form without seeming forced.

    Your title should be acrostic, not acroustic.

    Nice to read one from you again! xx