Comments : Natalie - Jr.

  • 11 years ago

    by Marcy Lewis

    A COLLABORATION BETWEEN YOU TWO! Yes. I am officially in love with this poem. It is dreadfully adorable.

    "If we had daughter, I'll name her Natalie."

    ^This starts out and opens beautifully. It's the first sentence in the poem, and the second I read it - I was like "Awwwh." Seriously. It's not only the fact of a daughter, it's the fact that she would have been a product between the love you have with each other. Which, I adore because it's so cute.

    "She will probably look like her mom. And
    I'll read her stories every night. Probably
    scary American ones and you will scold
    me for scaring our daughter."

    ^This line is adorable. I can tell it's him speaking. What I love about this, is that it isn't just "I would read her stories." or "She would look like her mom." The verbs used here are "She WILL look like her mom." and "I'LL (being I will) read her stories." That makes this sound like such a real, present love - and you hope to one day have children out of it. Which is totally sweet, that he would write like that. It was beautifully thought out. I love the last piece in that stanza -

    "Probably
    scary American ones and you will scold
    me for scaring our daughter."

    ^That was so relationshippy. It sounds very much like you're in a marriage and having cute little arguments over silly things.

    "If we had son, I'll name him Curtis Clark Jr.
    Maybe they'll get my eyes. And hopefully
    our son won't be short like you."

    ^I love the teasing tone to this stanza. It feels like you guys have an easy-going relationship. And how much thought you put into your children within this piece, shows how much thought you really put into each other - and it's so refreshing. Many relationships between young people are just filled with nonsense, and drama. This is not that situation. I love it.

    "I can see myself with you and our children.
    Reading bed time stories and taking them to
    their first school, and when they lose their first
    tooth. And I can see we're running in the park."

    ^This isn't just little memories to me. To me, this stanza just says - "I see us forever." The kids, the upcoming memories, the little things. That is real dedication, and it's so CUTEEE. I can't stop saying that word, and it's probably getting annoying, but this is just cutecutecutecute.

    "But if they get a cut and they are bleeding, they
    are going to mom - because dad fears blood."

    ^This was a funny, sweet way to wrap things up. I actually loved that at the end instead of in the middle somewhere. The poem doesn't END to me. This feels like just a pause. Like there's more to come - since there's such an open future in front of you.

    I loved this!