Comments : Gone

  • 11 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I really think this is a good poem to read aloud, I did so, and I guess it's because of your almost persistent voice in the beginning. The truth here is so blatant and bare, like there was no definite resolution, this person picked up his bags and said a goodbye without hesitation. I like how you give clues as to who this person was, a close friend who maybe was different from other ones you had, gave a unique refreshing perspective. Elaborate more possibly on the "made us realize"....
    ---it's heartbreaking the part where you said you turned back to old habits, like this person really impacted the way you live and now you can't live like that. I really like how you then talked about loving someone is loving you for your faults, I thought that was perfectly worded and very wise---

    I think the transition between that and "but we're back together again, etc", is a bit too soon. Maybe say something like how it took many days but you've come to know that this person never gave the full truth of love or something? Good thoughts in this piece, I enjoyed reading. I think this poem could be stronger if you added punctuation, not necessarily separating into stanzas unless you want to, but taking time and breath for the reader to pause and absorb this. Keep writing! :]

  • 11 years ago

    by Courageous Dreamer

    I feel like this is a situation that you truly have to experience yourself to believe it. I can only imagine the emotions you're put through when someone you're close to just leaves. You question their love for you, if they loved you why would they leave. So with that you resort to old habits, wishing they come back and see how much it hurts. You're right, despite our faults someone should still love us.

    Your poem reminds me of the show Pretty Little Liars, in the first episode a group of friends are together one night and in the morning one of them is gone and they are left with so many questions & wonder.

    Good job! I see a few minor grammar errors here, but nothing major. You've done a great job putting us into the real emotions of a real life situation.