Emotionally Celibate (vent)

by Kuro   Mar 26, 2013


Emotional sobriety is harder than it looks.
I cant let myself fall off the wagon again.
Letting my soul erode slowly yet quietly
is better than giving it to another
to soil and toss away like a used diaper.
Some things are just too dirty to clean.

Subjectifying your subconscious to their bias has no merit;
A facade for temporary comfort.
It's absurd how naive people
can just give away their trust as if they deserve it.

That is why we build walls--
to protect what is most important.
If you are emotionally dead,
you have nothing to lose;
No fear.
Kill whatever cravings come.
They will pass.
Twelve-Steps to recovery
Dont give in! Stay strong!
Resist!!!
Relapse never ends well.

Remaining emotionally celibate
lets apathy work for you, not against you.

But the reality is... I think I love you.
I've never been so scared to lose somebody.
It's like trading an addiction for another.
And now that i've relapsed...
sobering up,... detoxifying myself of you
is going to kill me.
But with my new found love
is the familiar fear of losing it.
The withering of sanity follows after
the deterioration of self-consciousness.

Now the ultimatum presents itself.
Let the feeling grow and enjoy my new addiction;
to feel the highest ecstasy humanly possible?
However,
once she is gone and i sober up
reality sets in as i come down from my high
i would rather die.

or should i resist?;
kill the emotion before it grows too strong to control?
i could save myself so much pain.
Kill it before it lays eggs in my heart
and poisons my soul forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
as a vent, this write is more therapeutic in intention; composing my thoughts in a way to release stress or to help organize my thoughts when my mind seems cluttered.

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Latest Comments

  • 11 years ago

    by Exostosis

    Emotional celibacy - a very good approach towards emotional attachment. It need not necessary be towards, only another human being. It could also be on attachment to different entities in the material world.

    The motive is not to kill feelings before they emerge. Rather its about the desire. Desire is said to be the primary cause of suffering. We desire with so much intention, that disappointment is inevitable.

    Trust. Is a tricky thing. We misinterpret infatuation with dependency, of love. Trust before a bond is formed. Exhale before we inhale. Trust is subtle essence which one must use wisely. Perhaps, it'd be best to judge better the next time. Take it slow. Let is be about union rather than individual physical existence. If the relationship isn't based on surrendering, it'll lead to boredom. Fights and drinking and addiction and such. The end result should be satisfaction. Nice write though.

    Very well written.

  • 11 years ago

    by L

    Poetry can be a good therapy to helps us find out how we are feeling, and vents usually do the job.

    but in my opinion, the vent only works as a therapy when the author analyses the vent and with the note, I think it really was analyzed by the author.

    and I learnt a new word, Celibate.

    Thanks.

  • 11 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    The title alone speaks a lot and I was sure that the read too will have that amount of sadness in it. It's good to kill an emotion before it kills us causing more pain but then it makes us start to feel more like a hard stone then anything. Just my thoughts and I really hope that you are okay...take care.

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