One Unwanted Poem

No, I didnot wanted to do this from a long time
Didnot wanted to write any sad poem
A poem that showed how miserable my sick life is
A poem that showed how tired I've become of this

Because from a long time I was trying to be okay
Was just trying to be happy and cheerful
Telling myself that the time I wasted being sad was more that the life can take
Though a part of me always knew that this happiness is fake

I forced myself that I will only write cheerful poems
Poems that were subjected to love, relationships and nature
But I didnt knew that leaving depression behind isnt that easy
And it is not that easy to keep myself in world of happiness, to keep myself there busy

So here I am sitting in this lonely room
Doing what I told myself I will not do
With tears in my eyes writing with this bloody pen
Asking myself, to reduce my pain, is this the only thing that I can?