Comments : Goodbye

  • 10 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    "these last two words of mine"

    -are you meaning that the 'two words' you are going to be saying is goodbye? Technically, it is only one word...so maybe rephrase this unless you were meaning two different words.

    I can't stress enough how much punctuation helps a poem! It helps the reader know when to pause (while using commas) and when to stop with one sentence and start another (using periods). Right now, it's one big run-on sentence and it makes the reader have to quickly read while it should be slowed in some spaces.

    "To you i must say these
    these last two words of mine"

    - you don't need both of the "these"

    Overall, a good short piece that describes how much you do care about this person even after you do say goodbye, maybe the death of a loved one?

  • 10 years ago

    by Sherwin Talapian

    Thanks... for the review... :)

  • 10 years ago

    by Slowly Dying

    I love it Sherwin:)!!! It's really good!! Nice job 5/5

    • 10 years ago

      by Sherwin Talapian

      Aw thanks.... your the best friend i ever had.... :)

  • 10 years ago

    by CathyButterflyJC

    I almost cried when I read this, wonderful poem though, had a lot of emotion and heart that's for sure, outstanding job, hugs!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by Aubrey

    This breaks my heart....

  • 10 years ago

    by Wild Flower

    Saying goodbye to someone we love is hard, so true:)
    I think some editting here and there will make it better. But good job, you conveyed your message to the reader well at least for me.

    • 10 years ago

      by Sherwin Talapian

      Aw...thanks... :) i will make it better next time :) thanks again..

  • 10 years ago

    by Biancas Veil

    Beautifully written short but good