The world only existed in
monochromes to me, so maybe
you taught me something new,
or perhaps opened my eyes to
another life that I never knew
- Meme I adore this opening stanza so much. It creates the idea of the story involving two people and how one of them has taught the other a new way of living. It really gets the reader interested in the couple and how the story is going to evolve and if it has a happy ending or not.
With the streets that smelled like
a midnight haze, and the lights that
spun golden webs along the way I
sat down by the silent pavement
and listened to how my heart was
beating with you inside it.
- love the wording here Meme. I like the mention of the golden webs here as webs always come across as looking dull dark, scary etc. But you took it and made it gold, showing the difference that this person made to you. Then the idea of it being so silent but all you could hear was the beating of the two hearts together - so sweet to imagine this sound.
You accompanied me within!
- I think you done the right thing by sitting this line on its own as it has a powerful statement of summing up the stanzas. This is the gift they gave to you that completed you inside.
Oh how I loved the mundane
stops in life that linked back
to you, and how every song
was about you. Even pictures
reflected your shadow although
you were never there.
- I feel a twist in the tone begin here, and my heart sinks as I think I will not get the happy ending. It touches on the loss of this person and how your mind can't forget everything about them, you see them in everything around you and remember all of the memories be they good or bad.
Moments of silence became my
sanctuary for they were the ones
when I only had my dreams, my
future, my thoughts, and the image
of you ... those rare moments felt
like home to me.
- this is so touching to read, to know that in these silent moments was your time to reflect on things and feel close to either what had been or what might have been, but either way the thing you can no longer have. very touching and I relate to the emotion of this loss.
You were just a thought but you
overwhelmed me, imprisoned me
in a bittersweet reality. I gasped
in the silence of farewells only to
remind myself that I can breathe
knowing that I once loved you..
- your ending was really interesting for me because I do not know if this person really was just a thought, perhaps a dream, and this thought is what led you to the poem and the emotions inside it. Or maybe the person was real but you never had them as yours even when you wish you did. For them to be just a thought seems so unreal because you described everything so well and vividly. Then to end it with knowing that you loved them once and right now that is what you are hanging onto.
I really enjoyed this one meme, perhaps because I relate to it and wanted to read something I could relate to right now, but your wording is always so catching it draws me in from the start until the end and I am never disappointed.
Well done and thanks for writing this. very creative
This piece reflects what i feel,, i loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove it, nyc work
5 years ago
by Tara Kay
Meme, now, this is poetry at its finest, and coming from your pen, there is this confusion on whether you are remembering a time, revisiting a memory or just dreaming of something you wish for...the vividness in each stanza is strong and powerful, drawing an image in my mind
The romantic yet desperate tone, the thoughts, the words, all together just creates something so masterfully poetic, really creative,
and I love the title...
You're opening line was so powerful, how you saw everything in black and white until your eyes were opened to the colour of the world!