Comments : The Grave

  • 10 years ago

    by WintersAngel

    Nice story, a bit sad though.

  • 10 years ago

    by Lemon

    Would I be correct in assuming this is about Hitler?

    • 10 years ago

      by TSI25

      No, you would not. its about my grandfather's brother.

  • 10 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Wow. Very descriptive and yet so simple. I like the flow and word choice. Nice oiece Taylor

  • 10 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    "He was very Conflicted about his brother.
    A fast man
    German
    prone to drink
    and dance and art

    and cars
    like the one he died in
    a long
    time
    ago"

    -- I don't think conflicted needs to be capitalized.

    I like the form of these few words here... you said he was a fast man and then the way you have it worded and formed, it makes the reader read it in a faster pace.

    Speaking of the car he died in, that makes one think he was in a car crash, maybe due to alcohol?

    Third stanza: He sounds bitter towards his brother, it's unknown to you and to the reader. It could just be his way of grieving... or he could've just hated him. I guess no one will ever know...

    I love the line "colored blots and inky dots" ... truly a nice, artistic touch to go along talking about his paintings.

    Fourth stanza: I don't think so many "German" are needed... it was stated in the first stanza that he was German... so I don't think it's necessary...but I'm sure there is some significant reason why you done it that way.

    Fifth stanza: I like the mention of how she didn't renew his rent... it shows that maybe he didn't have a very good relationship with any of his family members...that even in death, he was lonesome.

    Ending: His sister, maybe the only one who cared anymore, moved the headstone to be with the rest of her family...she left it laying face down, maybe as a resemblance to his life, he was always laying face down... due to the drinking, face down in the dirt like he will always be.

    Sad... really a sad story.

  • 10 years ago

    by butterflyqueen

    It's good. Our dreamer certainly didn't lie when she said you are good.

  • 10 years ago

    by AnnaCG

    I really enjoyed this. So simple yet eerie. Well done.:)