Comments : Unspoken

  • 10 years ago

    by Darren

    There is sadness in this and despair leaps from your words.

    I may be wrong but I think this type of poetry is link poetry (starting the next line with the last word of the previous)

    A couple of nits and suggestions,

    'cant' in line 11 needs and apostrophe.

    I think you could also drop a word here and there such as 'this' in line 2 and 'that' in line 3.

    I'm also not sure about line 4. You start with 'I' which sounds correct, (eye- I) but is wrong in the context of the rest of the poem. However I see the problem that it is difficult to start with 'eye' rather than 'eyes' which would also be wrong.

    My suggestion is this;

    'Eye that see's no sense of reason.'

    It is just that though a suggestion, it is your poem after all.

    thanks for sharing.

  • 10 years ago

    by berbrag

    Nice...beginning with the last word of the previous line...good efforts. All the best