Sweet Temptation

by Chelsey   Jul 18, 2013


I've avoided the passage that led to your dwelling place,
but fingerprinted walls and canvasses of your face are
trailing signs of where you are. Where I want to be.

I know of your annoyance, your aggravation if I were
to find you, so I duck behind rosebush covered corridors
in hopes you're blinded by its beauty you can't see...
me.

If I may not be your lover, your ambiance in the night,
your serene winter morning, allow me to be just a
sweet temptation. I never wanted anything more than
your lips woven into mine or your hand sleeping in
my palm: so do not be afraid.

For I do not have to be what you do not want,
I will simply be...

your rest assured

*free spirits title challenge*

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I knew you would pull this off as something brilliant. Well done for the challenge. I like the route you went with it.

    I've avoided the passage that led to your dwelling place,
    but fingerprinted walls and canvasses of your face are
    trailing signs of where you are. Where I want to be.

    - nice opening tone, showing us you are in thought of longing for something you do not have. Someone who perhaps you have lost but need. The description words are great here and using the finger-printed walls just adds more power to the imagery. I like how you end with them being somewhere - but no matter where that is, it is where you want to be.

    I know of your annoyance, your aggravation if I were
    to find you, so I duck behind rosebush covered corridors
    in hopes you're blinded by its beauty you can't see...
    me.

    - I really like the imagery you create of these corridors, it is like you paint them as outside mazes in the gardens. We get a glimpse of the relationship here since you show they do not want you to find them, and give us what you think will be their reaction if they knew you were looking for them. Loved your ending line of hiding, at least then you would be near them and see them but hoping that they would not notice you.

    If I may not be your lover, your ambiance in the night,
    your serene winter morning, allow me to be just a
    sweet temptation. I never wanted anything more than
    your lips woven into mine or your hand sleeping in
    my palm: so do not be afraid.

    For I do not have to be what you do not want,
    I will simply be...

    your rest assured

    - great time to add in the prompt/title. It shows what you are willing to settle for because this is how much the other person means to you. I also like the description again here when you describe what you could be, want to be but know your not.

    I found the ending lines very clever in the way you directed it straight to this person and tell them not to be afraid because you do not have to be what they fear you will be. Loved this and it made the poem very creative and enjoyable to follow this story.

    Well done. Great job.

  • 10 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    I want to nominate this piece.... sighs, what a beautiful poem! still glitch in the love noms. Beautiful!!!!!!!

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Yay, a new piece from you! And Chels, can I say I love your love poems?

    I really liked the opening stanza, how bits and pieces of this person are constantly reminding you where you want to be, that they everywhere they go they leave a trail, a scent...

    Second stanza was not what I was thinking of.... like this person doesn't appreciate you now, or wants to be your friend but doesn't want you chasing them constantly. It makes me wonder if you or him are the ones stepping away from reality. You want to be closer to him but he doesn't see it, either he is rejecting or he does not yet understand you. Also makes me think you two aren't companions so to speak, maybe you have just seen him and been around him but never had a heart-to-heart talk. Not sure.

    The "hand sleeping in my palm" is such a gentle, reassuring image! I loved how innocent you kept that and pure, like that would be the greatest comfort, to have that protection, guardian, presence.

    This definitely made me think:
    "For I do not have to be what you do not want"
    - Are you then willing to change for him? Or does he see flaws that he doesn't want to be around, then you should not have to hide them or be someone else for him...

    I liked the ending line of "rest assured", pleading just for him to be near, even if it is not as a lover or intimate understanding.

    Interesting piece, lots to think about with that title prompt, so good job!