One Last Song.

by Blissful   Jul 30, 2013


I was always a terrible musician.

Out of tune...out of touch
for I was stumbling
down a sugar hill
I'd built
with

sweet thoughts and deadly whispers

Now as I strum my last note
with patience
tempting
and paper thin

I drench myself in the forbidden freedom
that you never let me taste

--
Done for a challenge.

Prompt:

Deadly whispers
sugar hill
terrible musician
forbidden freedom
paper thin

3


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Latest Comments

  • 4 years ago

    by Black pearl

    I dont know why u end this poem.
    I mean with flow like this the reader would love to read a bit more.
    The choice of words are excellent.
    Whether it's a hill made of sugar, or an oxymoron ' forbidden freedom'.
    Keep writing.

  • 4 years ago

    by Hellon

    I love how you have combined music with the sense of taste...a very good combination in my opinion. I also like the layout of this particular stanza...

    Out of tune...out of touch
    for I was stumbling
    down a sugar hill
    I'd built
    with

    as the lines grow shorter it gives the appearance of a hill and you stumbling down it...very creative of you.

    I didn't realise it was prompts from BR's challenge because they all meshed so very well together so kuddo's for bringing it together so smoothly. Very enjoyable read.

  • 4 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Oh I love the thought of this, how you connected being a terrible musician with being out of touch, maybe with reality and life itself? Those last lines are powerful! Sort of in-your-face, for these notes (and maybe person) held you back, only so many tunes you could compose. I really liked the image of "sugar hill" as well as tying that into having only sweet words, which aren't always the truth... sometimes truth can be hard to accept.

    You write amazing brevity and I agree with Britt, you couldn't even tell they were prompts, I felt such depth underneath these words and it was interesting to ponder. Good job!

  • 4 years ago

    by Britt

    I love how you brought in deadly whispers! Actually the prompts you added word for word were put in really well, I didn't realize they were prompts!

    This is really a thoughtful piece. It felt to me like a person was struggling in life due to oppression they once were under, and now that they're out or away from the captor, they are having a hard time surviving, because it's all they knew. AWESOME write!

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