Comments : Empty sky

  • 10 years ago

    by L

    Your sky empties.
    as stars faint.

    ^^ I like this line.

    I also like the ending question, what I felt from the poem is that someone has given up

    I hope not.

  • 10 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Man Chels, I cannot stop reading this! It has such a beautiful sadness, because you want to hang onto hope yet it hasn't done anything for you yet. Then, with writing about how this might have happened, knowing their past and the reasons why must be painful. Because you are close to them yet don't see how you can help, be that companion if this person doesn't try or hasn't done better? Incredible emotion in these lines. That one image of the sky emptying is something so filled with sorrow, I can't even imagine it.

    Sorry for everything you're going through. Keep writing if it helps and take each day at a time.

  • 8 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I wonder why icycles drip down

    - icicles*

    Really sad opening here, the coldness of being shut off from love, so well portrayed with your metaphors and the stairway to your heart was excellently worded.

    The tone of this poem is like the person has been let down by someone who they used to love, and want to love, but perhaps that person has let them no choice but to not love them anymore.

    The pain is clear, and the silent longing that things could have been different, but you do not see it changing.

    Loving the metaphors and descriptions, especially the empty sky as stars faint - I think this greatly represents the loss of hope.

    Your ending is spot on for a message of life, you cannot love someone or help someone who is unwilling to help themselves or try to love themselves and things around them. It leaves you in too dark a place and burdened with the weight.

    Excellent poem and nice to read some of your old work again :)