Seconds creep alongside the
moonlight while I ponder
if I should answer with a
tired sigh or let the question
settle with the candle smog.
- I love the imagery here, and how you express the time passing by using seconds creeping, that is unique and really works well to portray how time can pass you by like this in a moment where you are contemplating something. "candle smog" is also another great use! Lovely opening!
Sheets rumble as you
roll back over on your
side of the bed,
loneliness props itself
against the pillow wedged
between us and
heavy lids take us
away to memories
trapped inside a
- the ending of this poem is so sad because it shows a couple who were once happy and filled with love, romance, connections, and now they are together and yet so far apart, distanced and cold. The fact that you mention the bed is important too because it is a place where they are close to each other and yet this is not the case at all.
The word loneliness really does stand out here in this poem and you have captured the relationship well. I think the saddest part is the dreams of the memories of what has been, photographs that remind you of that time ago when happiness and love was alive, I think this shows that there is still a longing for it to be back this way, and hope that maybe it could be.
That song is so sad and they totally stole it from Gretchen Wilson lol..
But hey, this happens all the time. My mom went through it with my dad to where she eventually slept on the couch for the last few years of the marriage. It breaks my heart. Marriage is so sacred and not a lot of people value that anymore that they would rather this awkwardness than fix their issues...
Absolutely loved this Hannah, you are a brilliant writer. I couldn't say it enough!
5 years ago
You turned something so simple and turned it into such an amazing poem.
The way you worded this is done so very well. I love the seconds along the moonlight as it is different from what I've seen in poetry. The question is amazing. Sometimes it truly is better to let things go as they can cause anything to happen. I love the imagery of the candle too. If you let it die I can see its been there for a long time. I love the use of candles though as they can be decribed so well with love.
The three line stanza has so much sadness tied to it. This person rolls back over so that means you feel unloved. Feeling lonely is the worst feeling in the world no matter what. I love the rift in between the pillows though. It can be the biggest one in the world. I also like the surprising ending too. I think you are saying that the only true happiness you have ever had is in the picture so many years ago or it could say on your wedding day and since then its been bad. I love it though 5/5