On Edge

Somewhere, between the little AA chips, there is meaning,
Sobriety is supposed to make things better, right?
I wouldn't say I am to the point of relapse,
But I am asking the question, why?
Why am I not drinking, for what purpose does it serve?
To indulge in my self righteousness?
The "incredible" feeling of personal freedom,
I am not owned by the alcohol?
What does it matter?
Apparently I still push away the ones I love,
At least when I'm drunk, it doesn't hurt too bad,
And I can always drink more to numb the pain,

So, what is the point of being sober?