Need for change

Sitting in the silence
listening to my own tears,
I try to tell myself that I'm okay
but I'm lying to myself again
as the tears refuse to stop.

I'm scared of the future
and of your empty promises,
scared to close my eyes again
because the nightmares are taunting,
they never let me rest.

I wish that I didn't love you
and yet I know I always will,
I wish I didn't need you so
but I know you're a vital part of me,
sometimes I hate that I love you....
so much more than I should.

I keep trying to reach out,
to tell you how I feel,
try to tell you of my fears each day
and how I can't take much more
but you just tell me to be still.

You make me yet another promise
in a long line of ones before
and I want to believe your words,
to trust that they'll hold true,
but my hope is fading slow.

You ask if I trust you
and I whisper "I always do"
but it won't keep the dark at bay,
won't keep you safe from harm,
this love is breaking my heart.

I wish that I didn't love you
and yet I know I always will,
I wish I didn't need you so
but I know you're a vital part of me,
sometimes I hate that I love you....
so much more than I should.

I try to tell you I don't have the strength,
my fount of hope is running dry
and something has to change
but you just tell me things will end soon
not seeing what I need.

I turn to you for comfort
but instead I'm just upset,
the tissue box is empty
and I'm still all alone,
how much longer can I wait?

I wish that I didn't love you
and yet I know I always will,
I wish I didn't need you so
but I know you're a vital part of me,
sometimes I hate that I love you....
so much more than I should...

this love will kill me yet.