Goodbye Shadows

by Hannah Lizette   Dec 8, 2013


On one November day,
when the furnace lacked
its winter coat,
I tiptoed down the hallway,
footprints trailing behind
frosted floors.

The only form of heat is the
cherry on my cigarette as I
chain smoke in hopes of
fooling the walls with the
familiar scent of you -

they didn't sense the clues,
thought you were redecorating
them with the newest
holiday smiles;
assumed your
family crest would always
rest on their shoulders
(as did I).

They shiver without their
accessories, you know.

-

My own emptiness refills
my glass and as I take inventory
of my last cigarettes,

I realize I need to pick up
the pieces of my shattered self,
create an abstract mural
on these lonely walls

and finally say goodbye
to the shadows
you left behind.

*club challenge.

Copyright 2013: Hannah K.

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Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Jenni Marie

    Judging comment:

    I love Hannah's way with words, she always succeeds in really pulling her readers into her work and allowing them to both visualise and feel what she is experiencing, and this was no exception.

    With each new poem that she creates she becomes better and better at her art and I always love to see a new poem from her as I know I will not be disappointed and will thoroughly enjoy it.

    Another thing I enjoyed about this was the symbolism of winter and cold, I found it to meld wonderfully with the content and subject of the poem-like you're feeling cold and desolate because you have been left behind so suddenly and unexpectedly.
    Both the imagery and metaphors you have penned throughout this add such emotion and depth throughout and I adore the closing lines, it's almost as if you are acknowledging that it may be painful to do so, but finally, you know you need to move forward in your life and free yourself from the pain you're currently feeling.

    As always, wonderful writing from Hannah.

  • 10 years ago

    by Chelsey

    My own emptiness refills
    my glass and as I take inventory
    of my last cigarettes,

    ^^ I love that !! Your metaphors are always so creative and so different then things i usually read here.

    I truly loved this whole piece simply for the metaphors and I feel like I tell you that all the time. But it's like your signature in your poems. They all carry this creativeness that only you seem to pen

    Well done Hannah.

  • 10 years ago

    by Everlasting

    I really enjoyed this piece, specially the atmosphere created on the first stanzas as well as the ending. The " ---" I know they are there to create hmm some sort of break, though that would be my only can I say "critique," I would have like to see and know what happened during that interval of time. I know I can use my imagination and in fact you give me room to do just that, which is what I like about your poems, but since I can't really add any suggestions or anything else, and I've been nit picking on a few poems for a while, that would be my only nit pick about your poem. ( If I could call it that). But it's not something that it has to be done, I enjoy this piece as it is. The ending works well with the chilling/cold atmosphere this piece has. To me, its like it says "it's time to move on."

  • 10 years ago

    by Tara Kay

    I loved reading this one, so congrats on winning the challenge. You wrote this with such feeling, and such heart. The emotion was evident and the imagery outstanding. I could feel everything and see it all before me. You have a way with words that touch the soul, and mine was no exception.

    I love the hope at the end and the attitude of realising that it doesn't help to sit and wallow, you need to continue to fight, get up and carry on regardless.

    Such a great write that really was deserving of the win...fantastic :) xxxx

  • 10 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    I think this is great from start to finish. I like the use of winter at the beginning because of the cold feelings you have inside. It seems like you are feeling alone. You give such a chilling factor to this again right from the start it's in the middle of the night with your use of darkness. I like the use of cigarettes of course. I think you are saying that it's the only happiness you have left and apart of you is missing that person but ot seems like you are glad they are gone too. I also love the ending because it seems like addiction has taken over your life and now maybe that person is the one that kept you together but also the one that hurt you so it's a circle. Overall I feel like you are saying goodbye finally to the fears you had (the shadows or ddarkness ) and finally putting ypur life together. Well written. Nominated when I can!

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