I feel like being the distraction
keeping you up nights, vow
to empty my pockets of you and make
the drive familiar. I wanted to water my eyes
with salty perspiration, kick my muscles
into shape and leave you behind.
I want to feel like I can keep this up
forever, want to want you gasping for air.
I need you to be the speck on the horizon
when I look over my shoulder. I need
to be out of earshot when you call
Ohhh I love this! Beautiful write. I love the different images you use- like emptying your pockets and a speck on the horizon. I especially love the last few lines about being out of earshot as your name is called. It gives me the idea hat you're not over this person- if they called, youd answer.
I am curious about the middle stanza though. You want to want them gasping for air...I can't decide if this is a reference to sex or a reference to leaving them gasping from the loss of you.
I just want to keep rereading this poem over and over and over. I'm having trouble identifying the best parts of the poem because it's so well written. I would suggest replacing the line "I wanted to water my eyes with salty perspiration" with saying simply, "I wanted to cry" but other than that, there isn't a single thing I would change in this poem. I love the idea that you're so entangled in this person that you need to empty your pockets of them. I love how this isn't so much a love poem or a sad poem, but a very true to life poem, capturing a feeling that we've all experienced but have trouble putting into words. You've done an excellent job here. The last line is effortlessly strong, it's haunting and it leaves me in awe every time I read it. Well done.
I couldn't vote for this or. Add this to my favorites quick enough...I havent read poetry in a long time. I mean months. ..this was the first one I have read since I've found down time to do so and I cant describe how much I love this. .
First of all the topic..I love that it kind of has are revengeful tone, yet it's so soft, that even the little snippet about leaving this person gasping for air wasn't even that brutal. It didn't take away from the "lightness" of this poem.
That might not even make sense, but you have always had this way of almost being angry, but it's never shown, it's always hidden behind these metaphors that are actually so beautiful it makes the reader want to be in your side.
Oh and that last stanza...holy...crap.
I am jealous, like very envious of this. So often the sky is used in poetry, but this was unique. The speck in the horizon, out of earshot, where the hell did you come up with this, gah!!! I want your ability to say so much in so little stanzas.