Comments : True Friends

  • 3 years ago

    by Melpomene

    Amreen,

    After seeing your ebook I realised I don't read or comment on enough of your poetry. I want to congratulate you again, I am very happy for you!

    I liked how you compared yourself to different poetry forms, it's obvious you're very comfortable with poetry but what I thought was fascinating was the way you gave the haiku personality by describing it as lonely. The whole concept of using poetry techniques and forms in relationship to life and friendship was clever, I hope you find what you're seeking in the year 2014 and you're able to create those senryus, even if they're only metaphorical!

    Just something I noticed in the first stanza, second line. I believe realize should be realizes.

    Mel

  • 3 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Counting the syllables of friendship,
    my heart realize the non-existence of rengays in my life.

    - realize = realizes.

    How I wish for a transitional etheree
    to shoulder my worries
    for I feel like a lone haiku
    still untouched by the bliss of genuine laughter.

    - very nicely done to relate the friendship to the poetry. I think I understood this poem a lot. I think the counting syllables here can relate tot he fact we may be able to count a lot of people, acquaintances in our life, but yet we lack those very few friends that we need, the true ones that are always there.
    You show longing for that one special friend like this, the one who you can rely on no matter what. Again, I like how you use the Etheree to show this, and how you use the haiku to represent how lonely you feel without this, because a haiku should be happy and offer hope and joy, but yet for you, you feel the laughter is non existent.

    ---

    Now, I plunge to breath the new sunrises
    with the search of true friends
    to carve mirthful senryus
    within the lines of a brevity
    called "Life"

    - breath = breathe
    - more relation to the poetry types, well done, I think this is very clever. I think this poem is very honest, and in fact, most people will probably go through this time in their lives, when they just want to search for those real friends who will always be there, and not ones who just decorate the outside so to speak.

    I enjoyed this, thanks.

    xx

  • 3 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Amreen, I love this and it truly touched me because I can relate so much to this, the longing for a TRUE friendship. My dad has always told me that someone is lucky if they are able to find one true friend in life, and I completely believe it. Friends are hard to come by sometimes, sure there are acquaintances that you can hang out with, go out to dinner, etc... but sometimes there just isn't that 'bond' between you that you feel like you can tell them anything and everything and they will not judge you for it.

    I adore how you incorporated the poetry forms in this... it gives it a uniqueness that it wouldn't have if you just simply stated your feelings of longing for a friend.

    Lovely write, girl!

  • 3 years ago

    by Chelsey

    Mercy I don't know how you did this. ...blown away Amreen. This was a wonderful combination of poetry inside poetry and I'm jealous of your ability to combine one topic in a poem , metaphorically like this.

    Interesting write to say the least, but loved this.

  • 3 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Something new and different. You have weaved forms of poetry with and within yourself. Interestingly penned with vivid images..enjoyed this one :)

  • 3 years ago

    by Colm

    I like what you try to do here making the metaphor with poetry forms. I'd never heard of a rangay before until I looked it up I thought it was a typo! I think the use of these forms are effective because they could mean your inability to write what or how you want due to writer's block or just low esteem, or it could symbolise how your life is unpolished, disorganised, almost chaotic: The opposite to what formed poems are. I liked this double meaning and I think it works well.

    One or two things I didn't like so much. The last line of the first stanza: 'the bliss of genuine laughter.' - I think this was a bit cliche: especially the words bliss and genuine. It just seems like something you might see on a lesser poem, it was a little lazy to me here and its a pity because it ends the good stanza on a bit of a negative point. Perhaps this translates into the next stanza too because I ddn't like it as much as the first. I can see the obvious change in the poem (well punctuated also) but for me it was a little too sudden, a little too much 'everything is fine again now' a little too quickly. It's kind of like saying 'I was sad but now I'm better' - I might have liked to see some of the struggle, or the poem left up in the air more. But you mention brevity and perhaps the brevity of the poem mirrors this and if so, it is clever. I guess I was somewhat disappointed by the last line which seems a little cliche too: The use of the word life. Although the punctuation makes me wonder: Why is it 'life' and not just life? Maybe there is a hint of sarcasm here, maybe a reference to Life Magazine? That bit puzzled me and I am probably missing out somewhat because of it.

    Overall then, I guess I think the poem starts off well but is hindered a little by some cliches and the resolution seeming to come a little too quickly and/or easily. Maybe an extra stanza could be added, if it could be done natually, or maybe the ending could be looked at. Or maybe I'm just being picky! Ha Either way, keep writing :)

  • 3 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    This is a really great poem here. It seems like the message is really simple but you went into so much depth. I think what you mean is that all life is unique and writing poetry is your whole life. I loved the use of different styles and the message is great. Every life is different and unique just like each type of poetry and poet. I loved the compareson overall. Well done.

  • 3 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I really like this piece, there is a lot of imagery that is so wonderful and you are a true poet to describe things as other various poetic forms. I enjoy your word choice and how easily distinguishable your voice is here. There is a lot to love about this piece, and it's so unique!! Great job.

    Excellent write though my favorite bit:

    to carve mirthful senryus
    within the lines of a brevity
    called "Life"

    you ended the piece perfectly with that. ^

    and your intro was stunning, very intriguing.

  • 3 years ago

    by Midnight Sky

    Good job with poem I'm a big believer in true friendship 5/5 :-)

  • 3 years ago

    by LittleMsPink

    I find this piece to be a such a meaningful one, nice choice of words, your a great writer 5/5

    • 3 years ago

      by Amreen

      Thank you dear :)