She fell in love like the
way you slip into dreams:
unhurried,
drifting and sifting
through moonlit brainstorms
until finally,
her pillow soothed her
insecurities all at once.

- Wow Hannah, sometimes I just get failed for words when I read your work. From your title I was not expecting anything like this. Your opening is beautiful and to compare falling in love to falling asleep is so clever, you used this very well. Also to use the pillow to take away the insecurities was good.

But as quickly as the day
he chiseled poetry into
her virgin heart,
he stretched the open
wound left in her chest
like clay,
sculpting blisters onto
the feet of bitterness.

- see, this is what I mean, I cannot pick the main line of the verses because the whole verse seems to stand out so strongly and there is so much within such little words! Argh how do you do it?? Here, I really like the virgin heart idea, it implies to me that this was her first love, and for most, this is the one that breaks you the most when it hurts you or leaves you. Also the wound being left, and the clay, and bitterness! Just ties up all the pain that she is going through.

She burned midnight oil
until the vault of heaven
screamed for her,
initialing claw marks
on everything she tried
to let go of -

- The imagery of these claw marks are so strong here, it shows the desperation to let go of something but at the same time, secretly hold onto it, or perhaps the claw marks were even there long before she tried to let go because she found herself holding on tighter than she should have. The vault of heaven opens such sadness in the tone because losing this loves makes her feel like she is losing everything.

falling in love
with the vision of
falling out.

- brilliant ending, little word play with the falling in and falling out, just really captures the summary of the poem.

I really enjoyed this Hannah, and I kick myself when I come to read your work, that I have not read it for a while. Because I truly enjoy your work. I just do not think I know anyone who can write so much, but without having so much words. You express so much metaphors and lines within the poem, and yet they all blend so well and flow throughout the poem. Amazing.

:)

Re edit- I think the poem is about who stays awake maybe even an insomnia victim. They are writing about their friend or partner because they are sleeping in the bed. This person has love inside for them and it seems like they are thinking about a lot of things because the title is brainstorm. Though I cannot pinpoint what they are brain storming or thinking about. Are they regreting falling in love or are they thinking about spending their life together. Who really knows. My mind is blank on this poem honestly lol. Though it really is great because you did take something simple and turned it into something great. Well done

WOW! This was beautiful, and sensual and just totally captivating. You painted an image of a young woman who finds love and it consumes her, she's falling yet she cannot let herself go, whether its her insecurities or inexperience.
Beautiful write Hannah.
Love this!
x

Wow Hannah! I am really in love with your poetry. You have penned a beautiful thought, deep and thoughtful and did an excellent job here. To express how much I loved it, I would fail! Amazing indeed!

;)

I feel foolish even commenting on this...because I have no idea what today . I'm very much in love with your metaphors and that is what I always tell you. You can always seem to pen metaphors in a way no one one on this site does and I think I've figure it out. You start with a metaphor and carry it's theme through the whole poem. It's amazing....and to be inspired through a simple line from a book.

Mastered it. Awesome.

Sometimes I find your poems hard to leave detailed comments on because there is little or nothing I can add, only to say well done. This is one such poem, really. There are far more things that I like in it than I don't. I think a lot of it is your excellent way of wording, which is present across your work. Rarely is a description boring, and image unoriginal or a metaphor awkward. You just give the reader enough but don't spoon feed them so that they get a sense of what the poem is about but they have to work a little too and investigate different possible meanings.

Ok, enough of the flattery, here comes the criticism! Well it is relative criticism as there are maybe 2 aspects of this poem that aren't up to your usual high standard in my opinion, but I am quite nit-picky. Anyway, the first is this:

'her pillow soothed her
insecurities all at once.'
^^
It works fine but... It doesn't grab me the way the previous lines have. It seems somewhat irrelevant or over-done when you consider the next line you are back to feeling insecure. I'm not sure if the insecurities can be solved so completely as seemed in this line, so easily. Maybe something like this would have a similar but better effect:

'Her pillow seemed to sooth
her insecurities.'
^^
'Seemed' her gives the impression of hindsight: that that is what she felt at the time but she knows it doesn't last. I think it would lead into the next stanza more effectively this way. The 'all at once' part I could take or leave.

'sculpting blisters onto
the feet of bitterness'
^^
Again this works well and is interesting in its own way, it just wasn't my favourite line. Mentioning bitterness seems... to obvious? Too telling? I think there may be a better way to express the feeling here rather than mentioning the word so exactly (even though it is presented originally). You don't want the poem to be too cryptic either, but if you were looking for things to change in the poem, this could be a place to fiddle around with a bit.

I really like the opening few lines, excellent descriptions that grab my attention. The ending is strong too and the reader gets a good insight into the struggle of the speaker. I think that rhyme was used cleverly too: Not to a specific scheme but it is dropped in here and there effectively and help the poems rhythm. All in all, a really good read, good stuff.

Oh my gosh (god) whatever you prefer, this piece is amazing. You really blew me away with this write.

She fell in love like the
way you slip into dreams:
unhurried,
drifting and sifting
through moonlit brainstorms
until finally,
her pillow soothed her
insecurities all at once.

^^The introduction is fantastic! You really caught my attention here and you had the most eloquent way of saying something so common. And your use of metaphor/similes is very well shown.

But as quickly as the day
he chiseled poetry into
her virgin heart,
he stretched the open
wound left in her chest
like clay,
sculpting blisters onto
the feet of bitterness.

^^ Wow, that's really all I can think to say to this piece, I mean you said it perfectly. You used some of the most unique and vivid imagery I've seen... (not that that means much but its still phenomenal.)

She burned midnight oil
until the vault of heaven
screamed for her,
initialing claw marks
on everything she tried
to let go of -

^^ I like the flow of this stanza, it could honestly stand as a poem alone and it would be amazing, and within this piece it just helps the overall wow, pop effect.

falling in love
with the vision of
falling out.

^^Excellent way to end the piece, so simple so amazing. I absolutely adore this.

Over all your piece is so great, everything flows wonderfully like silk and the words you chose are so perfect in their simple little stranded lines looped in their exquisite stanzas and tied together in a very gorgeous bow as one single poem. I love this and honestly I had to read the piece like 10 times before I could think of anything to say besides WOW! because this is just that good.

Resplendent!!!

I love how u told a story nice job