Evanescence

by Chelsey   Jan 15, 2014


There's a piano that faces a bay window,
that overlooks a river, with a stream that
leads to you.

There's a street that holds a willow tree,
that wind dances through, and it corrupts
branches to point to you.

There's a storm in cities skies, that
scatters and scares it's people,
but clouds still move toward you.

Your disappearance is crucial, my finding
you faces insurmountable odds, but loving
you, embracing the thought of you, is the
single, most important reason heart palpitations
conquer waking hours.

Desirous, beauteous, your very image is
so captivating and I'm tranced -
living in this world where all signs
direct me to you.

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  • 10 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    There's a piano that faces a bay window,
    that overlooks a river, with a stream that
    leads to you.

    - I don't think you need the comma after river. You are saying the river which has a stream, so it flows ok as it is. I like this idea, it offers a few ideas as to what your poem could be about.

    There's a street that holds a willow tree,
    that wind dances through, and it corrupts
    branches to point to you.

    - I like the style repeating itself here, it works really well and appeals to my taste in poetry, I like seeing this. You created a really unique image here with the wind changing all the branches to point to something/someone and yet we do not know what yet. It is like you are taking us outside and putting us on this journey to find out what is at the end.

    There's a storm in cities skies, that
    scatters and scares it's people,
    but clouds still move toward you.

    - the words scatters is strong here as it shows the fear in people and the panic of them running to safety. Yet your writing still focuses on the same thing that is out of your reach.

    Your disappearance is crucial, my finding
    you faces insurmountable odds, but loving
    you, embracing the thought of you, is the
    single, most important reason heart palpitations
    conquer waking hours.

    - I think you need to add a little word between reason and heart palpitations. Perhaps that? or Why?

    Desirous, beauteous, your very image is
    so captivating and I'm tranced -
    living in this world where all signs
    direct me to you.

    - Beautiful ending, lots of powerful wording keeping the poem interesting, and yet fitting with the flow.

    I liked the story of this Chels, and the soft tone that is throughout, that this person is always on your mind.

    Love your title choice too.

  • 10 years ago

    by Everlasting

    Desirous, beauteous, you're very image is

    ^ is it a typo? in You're? or your?

    • 10 years ago

      by Chelsey

      Typo thank you!!