Myself

by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko   Jan 18, 2014


I have come to the wonder of life.
Some say it's beauty,
but I find it more of a misery.

Under the blanket of darkness,
my heart drowns in crimson thoughts.
I don't know where to go now.
I don't know how to start again.
I don't know how to make it through.
I've forgotten how to trust.

Like a faded part of a painted fairytale,
a star has lost its way--
it shines but it's crying,
it twinkles but it's dying...
behind its good smile is a heart that's breaking.

With an old picture of a photographed memory,
I begin to wonder how I become
who I am now.
Back then,
there was nothing written in my eyes.
But now--
staring at the mirror--
I see all the nostalgia that's written in them.

And the evanescent screams
that my great grandfathers
heard a hundred of years ago
are now playing by those violins...
but now, with bittersweet dreams and memories.

The constellation where I belong
begins to vanish with the decision that I've made.
I wonder if it's right...
Am I being selfish?
I just want to be happy.

Nobody sees my tears...
Underneath a crimson light,
I cry.

Will I be eaten by the monsters I have summoned?
Is fire worth its burning?
But until now,
I still wish to camp
where the campfires I've built are still burning.

Before,
when it gets tough,
I used to close my eyes and say
'I will get through'.
But now,
I can't find anymore
the strength inside my heart.

I wonder how the me of tomorrow
will be like...

4


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 10 years ago

    by Colm

    This poem didn't much interest me on first reading, but I took more from it the second time round. All in all, I think this is almost a free-writing exercise: your thoughts on paper and while the tone is good and the voice strong, I think for me it is a slightly above average self-reflective piece. The best self-reflective pieces leave room for the poet to self-reflect also: the worst are self-involved whinging, but this falls somewhere broadly in the middle, neither one nor the other. I think the fact that there are so many of these 'where am I going in my life' type poems that its difficult to find a really good one.

    Onto the poem itself. I think the images are inconsistent and too abstract. For example: 'Under the blanket of darkness,
    my heart drowns in crimson thoughts' - Some cliches in here, and what does it actualy mean? You are telling us that you are sad, and are trying to do it in a way that is different which is good but there is no image that can be conjured in the readers head of what is going on. It would be better if you could show the reader how and why you feel the way you do if possible. At the end of the poem, I don't feel that I really learned anything about the poet. Another example is
    'The constellation where I belong
    begins to vanish with the decision that I've made.'
    ^^
    It's so vague and difficult to picture: what is this decision? I feel that there is little to interest the reader, and it is quite difficult to feel the sympathy for the poet that this type of write should bring.

    I think it just isn't to my taste so much, even though I have read far worse. I can't offer much constructive criticism unfortunately: I can identify with some of your other work more and will try to get around to them in future.

  • 10 years ago

    by Darren

    I agree with the reflection comment, a nice gentle tone to this and very ponderous.
    Which gives this an atmosphere of its own.

    nominated.

  • 10 years ago

    by Everlasting

    O_o

    Shoot, via phone I thought I gave a 5... I thought I did but I am seeing a 4.8 ... Don't tell me I clicked on 4 instead.

    This is a very personal poem but it doesn't overpowers the reader with nostalgia or melancholy. It's more of a reflection. And ironic, you are reflecting at how you will see yourself in the future. Though, one most go on and try our best so in the future it will be better. I mean that's what reflecting upon is for to see what it's lacking in order to do something and add the things that are absent in our lives so they can make our life better.

    Sorry if it was me who down voted it. Take care

  • 10 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    A moving write that has gotten me from the very start. Each one unfolds slowly as well as emotionally into the next stanza filled with images that grabs the reader's heart.

    Like a faded part of a painted fairytale,
    a star has lost its way--
    it shines but it's crying,
    it twinkles but it's dying...
    behind its good smile is a heart that's breaking.

    ^^This one really stood out for me. It reminds me of a movie where a clown in the circus makes the audience laugh behind the mask he cries. A star that shines for all in fact is hurt..a gripping sadness here..

    All in all a very touching write where your voice reaches out to the reader...take care.

  • 10 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I like the flow of this piece and the feel you so easily establish. I enjoy the word choice and the message you are trying to get across. I think you penned something stunning and simple. Nice job

People Who Liked This Also Liked