Comments : Black gold

  • 10 years ago

    by Hellon

    It always saddens me and maddens me to see a winning poem on the front page without a single comment..so...let me be the first...

    This poem is outstanding and, IMO very worthy of the win but...you need to put more punctuation in. Normally I argue against punctuation and personally will try to keep it to the minimum but...with this type of write (very theatrical) it really needs it I think eg...

    I feel a cracking, tectonic,
    a swelling inside...
    the magma will erupt from the cavity of my mouth,
    I will putrify my enemies if
    it takes my last breath

    Just gives the reader time to digest what you are presenting I think.

    Regardless...thoroughly enjoyed this one...

    • 10 years ago

      by Armada the Gestalt

      Thank you for the in-depth comment. I avoid ellipses (it's just personal preference since they were overused where I 'came from'), it's deliberately without commas so that it stumbles over itself rapidly without time to be digested. To give an impression of haste, I suppose. Though I completely understand where you're coming from and appreciate your time hugely. Thank you!

  • 10 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Interesting title and an interesting write to go with it too! I especially liked the second stanza and the images in this write is so alive and inviting. Congratulations on the win :)

    • 10 years ago

      by Armada the Gestalt

      Thank you for the comment! As you may tell, most of my titles are nonsense, some aren't... most are. What can ya do?

  • 10 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Amazing write.

  • 10 years ago

    by Narph

    Judging Comment:

    Wow! This one was so powerful. I didn't realize it at the start, but once I read through to the end, the rest of the poem fell into place. I like the last stanza especially, it's fantastic, and the repetition of "naked, naked, naked." The sentiment is intangible, but I read it with a rebellious voice, possibly with political undertones? Very fascinating. Great job!

    • 10 years ago

      by Armada the Gestalt

      Haha, that's pretty much how I wrote it, not knowing the end, so I guess that makes sense, eh?

      Like most of my nonsense it's meant to mean whatever you think it does, but yeah, I was in a certain mood when I jotted this down, it's meant to be one of anger and dissent against oppression, though what oppression and why is totally up to you!

      I hope that didn't sound pretentious. Anyway, thank you for your kind words and taking the time to comment!

    • 10 years ago

      by Armada the Gestalt

      Haha, that's pretty much how I wrote it, not knowing the end, so I guess that makes sense, eh?

      Like most of my nonsense it's meant to mean whatever you think it does, but yeah, I was in a certain mood when I jotted this down, it's meant to be one of anger and dissent against oppression, though what oppression and why is totally up to you!

      I hope that didn't sound pretentious. Anyway, thank you for your kind words and taking the time to comment!

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    If you are an avid reader and lover of Metaphoric poetry, then hold onto your seat and enjoy the ride with this piece, WOW!

    Armada the Gestalt is a new author and poet for my eyes and I was mesmerized!

    The starting stanza sets the stage for me-

    "My ribcage
    is a coffin for the little birds
    I named like dreams
    after poets and philosophers
    and rivers and the ghosts of gods"

    Dreams are a powerful image in the mind of a writer and when expressed in such a way as it is here, the reader can't help but get caught up in a mixture of emotions and feelings! Naming the rib cage as a coffin just made me tear up and yet it excited me! Metaphoric writing is an explosive style of writing, its fun and when filled with explosive word usage, a writer can make it happen, and this author did that and much more...

    Continuing on- The writer to me is expressing the power, push and struggle of life.. Carrying on: and the usage of naked three times was brilliant! Naked to me = exposure of the bare soul of the writers feelings and emotions of dreams and ambitions.

    In many aspects I feel this is a rise above hatred and or discrimination in many aspects with regards to the last stanza, and I am simply in awe of this poem... just brilliant!!!!!!