Comments : Where the Dusk meets the Dawn

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I remember this poem and Chelsey's contest about camping right, what a fun challenge! This poem had such a distinct tone to it, different than what I was expecting and a unique, almost compassionate approach. Not as annoyed as I first thought when the prompt was given...

    I like your voice in this, how it's almost reassuring and speaking wisdom, encouraging this neighbor to simply be still and embrace the night... I also like how you seem to revere the night and plea for it to influence this woman, for your sake as well so you can rest easy, but in less of a blunt, selfish way. It's like you simply desire peace for this woman, and it should be as simple as falling asleep with a smile and greeting the world during the next day. A new day.

    Glad you posted this even though it's been awhile!

  • 9 years ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    Its a nice poem
    The line tell her tell her very nice..........

    right before the dusk meets the dawn.

    Tittle is interesting

  • 9 years ago

    by Everlasting

    Hello.....

  • 9 years ago

    by Everlasting

    10:46 am

  • 9 years ago

    by Everlasting

    10:51 delay of 5 minutes

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    There is a serenity within this write and as always
    accompanied by vivid imagery. Congrats on the
    win!

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    And the stars palpitate
    with the blinks of the sky,

    - Love this little line so much! so poetic!

    I liked the style of your poem here, in the way of the repetition of the night, but having a different word in the front of it each time, it worked well, I think it gave the poem more character. Also the repetition of "tell her" is well used throughout.

    Good title choice, and I like how you placed this title at the end also, leaving the reader with that as their final image.

    Congratulations on the win!

  • 9 years ago

    by Maher

    That is a great poem. Imagery, repetition of a valid point, an almost chilling emotional undertone. I feel like the bald judge on the British Master Chef show that has been positively overwhelmed by a glorious slice of cake.

    Excellent! :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Judging comment:

    It is quite blissful to imagine where dusk meets the dawn, after twilight when the world is still and sleepy. I loved how you revered the night, and your desire for rest was such a soft plea here. What I also noticed in this piece was your structure. I liked the repetition of "Oh... night", and then "please just tell her". It was simple yet helped the poem flow. There was also subtle rhyming I enjoyed at the ends of the lines in the first stanza. It was wonderful how in the end you encouraged this woman who may be a stranger, how you wanted her to dream and live freely and fully all she wants, as long as she closes her eyes first and leaves you at peace. There was only one line that I didn't think sounded quite right, in my opinion. In the last stanza, saying she can now "take a fly" sounded too awkward to me. Maybe use a different verb? Overall, a lively piece and a creative spin on the prompt, drawing in nature tones. (7)

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    This beautiful and elegant poem by Lucero is breathtaking. with the nature tones and word usage I felt like I was reading an old age, historical piece, however it has her very creative word repetition just a bit within this poem that makes it unique and fun. The tone within this message is a mixture of somber, and a touch of romance just because of the nature tones but holds a wonderful life and inspirational message as well.