I am not a great fan of a layout as this, but in this case I think it works really well. The poem is almost like you are at the top, you fall down which is portrayed with the spelling, and then the death bed is your bottom section. It looks creative.
2 years ago
by Ben Pickard
I love the layout you have chosen here, for the obvious reason that the reader feels like they are falling from the off. I could almost feel the rush of wind and tears in my eyes as I read!
As to the content, it is dark indeed if it is someone literally falling. The poem as a whole is entirely effective.
2 years ago
I love this piece and the layout is fab because like Sir L said it gives the reader that fall feeling especially as we all feel like we're falling at on Pont or another in our lives. Yes, I know this is completely different.
I like how you started this piece because it's like you were ion the edge contemplating falling (even for a few seconds) then the second falling is you doing just that, falling.
Feel the wind against you face and the rush of time as it blurs past.
You here should be 'your'. I like the imagery here because the wind will be bashing your face and time though slow before will be whirring by now and in a blink it'll all be over.
Eyes watering from the air. I swear, these are not tears of fear. I wanted this.
I believe the eyes will water from the air and also from what's caused you to 'fall' because it's obviously huge to do this and unbearable. I like how you swear to yourself it's not from fear but I believe it too would be fear especially of the unknown.
I want to fall, to fall and have someone finally catch me; Even if it is death on his dark horse to take me to hell. I welcome death!!
A very powerful, raw and emotion filled ending because you want to fall for someone to catch you but aren't afraid if it's death because surely that's less painful than whatever brought you here.
If you ever need a chat I'm here.
Great poem, love the format. A little tweak may help it further:
...Feel the wind against you face and the rush of time as it b-l-u-r-s past. Eyes watering from the air. I swear, these are not tears of fear. I Wanted this. I Want to fall, to fall and have someone finally catch me; Even if it is death on his dark horse to take me to hell. I Welcome death!!
Just a few - I have blured blurs and capitalised the 'W's'