Comments : You Left Me (Kyrielle)

  • 9 years ago

    by Everlasting

    The refrain of "you left me with the deepest pain" got me. So much sadness.

    My only critique is that I was searching for the none rhyming couplet, and the last two lines. I ended up counting just 12 lines instead of 14. Other than that, there's a lot of emotion in this piece.

  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Oops sorry its not a sonnet but just a Kyrielle.

  • 9 years ago

    by Everlasting

    Ah that explains it.

  • 9 years ago

    by alka mendiratta

    Very emotional write :)
    For one with a big heart who was there for all ,even those who caused hurt .Nicely penned :)
    Take care:)

  • 9 years ago

    by Jyoti Rawat

    Deeply pain,

    nice

  • 9 years ago

    by William Mae

    Beautiful write Meena, it had impact the way you brought the reader back to the pain,

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    And again ... Even through the restrictions of formed poetry, you manage to really hit me deep with that grief! I cannot tell you how much I can relate your poems of loss, you word them so creatively yet so powerful that they jump out!

    This poem is so moving because the abandonment is clear, it shows you really needed this person whom you have given us a little information about that they were caring and always there for others, but then they left you. I know we are never truly ready to grieve or say goodbye, I don't believe there is ever a right time, but I do feel that sometimes grief can be harder to process when we have been in a really dark place that someone has helped us through every time, and then we lose that person. That is what I get from this poem and how I connect to it.

    Very sad write!
    Hugs

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Meena knows how to design a Kyrielle and this piece is lovely.. The elegance and simplicity is one of the many reasons I adore this poem... Very pretty piece! Her heart oozes in and between the lines which can be felt while reading. Nothing seemed forced and the rhyming pattern choice of wording was just very nice! Well done!

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Meena

    A deeply moving write here.
    My only quibble is the "whose words made you rain" - that comes over a little forced.
    What about "Whose words left you drained"
    it carries on the rhyme scheme and even offers subtle alliteration with "drowned" on the next line down.
    Entirely up to you. Either way, this is wonderful and a form I had never heard of.

    "My heart walks on life's lonely aisle"

    ^^^^

    Heart breaking. The repetition of "you left me with the deepest pain" also works a treat.

    All the best and stay well,
    Ben