Comments : Somewhere near the sea

  • 3 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Congrats on the win! This is such an intriguging piece, especially in telling the memories of being a child, with innocent dreams... and the sadness of reality and a certain hopelessness that things are not what you perhaps planned. Lots of symbolism in this piece, great work.

  • 3 years ago

    by Karla

    Powerful piece!Take care!

  • 3 years ago

    by Yakari Gabriel

    How are you so flawlessly brilliant

  • 3 years ago

    by LittleMermaid

    Excellent !!! It touched my heart and soul :/

  • 3 years ago

    by LittleMermaid

    Excellent !!! It touched my heart and soul :/

  • 3 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    Judging comment:

    I became so engrossed in this poem, especially with how you wove your family into this and told a story, gave voice to those characters that I do not know of, who are complete strangers to me. The opening line is sweet, innocent, and invites imagination in. Just imagining catching the sun in cookie jars makes me smile! Then, there is a turn now to the present, and almost a subtle transition of tone, one of sadness maybe but of an attitude that has become hopeless instead of carefree, like you were as a child. I like how you keep the connection with the candies by mentioning this person, who I assume is your brother, who now has to take medication and who may deal with stresses. My one suggestion is to not repeat "we meet every now and then" right before the "I order coffee" as I feel it breaks the flow and is not needed. The mention of your father, and how there is a certain desolate look in his eye, and maybe dread, is very vivid here. I feel a sadness and loss of hope when you hint that your mother and father still have not embraced life, or have not found true happiness, simply going through the motions so to speak. You give a lot of clues in this piece without it being overbearing or meaningless. It certainly adds to the atmosphere, especially mentioning Cairo and the city life you witness each day. There is almost bitterness in the end, that you cannot return to your childhood, cannot fulfill those wishes of living on the coast. Instead, you have lost your desire to live, as if where you live now will never fill you the way you wanted for yourself and your brother. A sad ending indeed, that the only place of rest will be in the peaceful place you dreamed of in youth. Moving piece. (7)