The Pianist
by Alanis Sep 8, 2014
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She had an escape so sweet and surreal that she found her heart to no longer be lodged inside her chest, but she found it in every key and every note that encompassed her ears and fell against her hands. She lost herself in the songs and left her soul in the lyrics. She forgot who was, plagued with the troubles and the burdens of the bitter taste of society. But she had a companion that she did not have to beg for mere acceptance from, for they were already as one within the melodies that flowed out like milk and honey. As her heart beat with the songs that echoed through the house and her hands danced across the keys, so a serenity and joy fell upon her like a thick blanket in a winter haze, shielding her from the sourness of the outside world. She found herself within the wooden casing and lost herself within the beauty that only she could produce. She was a pianist trapped inside the body of a mortal. |
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9 years ago
Judging comment:
I keep going back and forth between the formatting of this piece, and while I feel like it could be separated into stanzas, it flows well when in a paragraph form. I see this pianist as delicate, loving, and yet the last line makes me view her as lonely. I like how you used "mortal" instead of "human", like what she plays and the music being her companion is a look into something everlasting, something eternal. I especially can relate to how you mentioned she forgets the past, and all the worries and burdens of the outside world. I can understand becoming lost in the moment, letting the heart speak and not letting other distractions or nonessential things take over. In the fourth line though, "she forgot who was", you forgot the pronoun after "who". Unless you meant it to read "she forgot who was"? Which makes me think she contemplated others around here as a whole, and is not focusing on something smaller, her own self. There are a few places I feel you can refine your usage of pronouns, such as saying "hands" instead of "her hands" since it is implied she is the only character in this piece. Calming and comforting piece though! (4)
