Read this poem and actually felt a connection and empathy for those people less regarded in our society because their stories doesn't matter.With this inspiration you've motivated me to go out and tell them,''hey mate,your story matters a lot''. lovely write
A simple poem yet it speaks of truth, sadness and
hurt. A life that has gone unnoticed until death. Its
a pity that no one seems to understand the hurt
an individual goes through, the life she craves for
and the happiness that has been invisible to her.
The simplicity of this poem with individual lines
standing on its own creates loneliness and a cold sadness...touching.
^ There really isn't an introduction, but you did jump right into the poem with a great pace and an interestingly penned first stanza. I really like how you make it the end with memories and the use of the words "for the final time". That was well done and a great touch.
hears the final breath
that whispers out through parched,
thin lips, once plump and ripe enough to earn
a young man's kiss.
^ I really like the descriptions you chose for this stanza and how you merely elaborated on the person's memories while still telling your story. The word choice here was excellent.
feels the fading pulse
that beats its final knell inside a heart
which at wars lonely end
gave up the will to love.
^ This is a great stanza and I love how this one has just a little more emotion than the previous two and how well you have captured the sadness and love and so many other emotions without really saying much at all. Probably the most unique stanza in the piece (in my opinion).
knows the soul beneath
skin, wrinkled by the stretched
out years spent wishing
for a life she never had.
^ And finally the conclusion, I like how you stepped away from the senses and put no one knows... instead. That was a great way to wrap up the piece without undoing all the other fabulous metaphors and emotions. Definitely worth the vote in the weekly contest. And extraordinarily beautifully penned.