No One

by cassie hughes   Sep 15, 2014


No one,

sees the light go out

as washed out eyes,

that sparkled once with life and love

close for the final time

No one,

hears the final breath

that whispers out through parched,

thin lips, once plump and ripe enough to earn

a young man's kiss.

No one,

feels the fading pulse

that beats its final knell inside a heart

which at wars lonely end

gave up the will to love.

No one,

knows the soul beneath

skin, wrinkled by the stretched

out years spent wishing

for a life she never had.

Prompt: Write about a person most people wouldn't notice.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    This really is a lovely, thought-provoking write. Excellent.

  • 2 years ago

    by The Po whet

    Read this poem and actually felt a connection and empathy for those people less regarded in our society because their stories doesn't matter.With this inspiration you've motivated me to go out and tell them,''hey mate,your story matters a lot''. lovely write

  • 3 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    Judging Comment:

    A simple poem yet it speaks of truth, sadness and
    hurt. A life that has gone unnoticed until death. Its
    a pity that no one seems to understand the hurt
    an individual goes through, the life she craves for
    and the happiness that has been invisible to her.
    The simplicity of this poem with individual lines
    standing on its own creates loneliness and a cold sadness...touching.

  • 3 years ago

    by Fan Angeleo

    "No one knows the soul beneath the skin" very good line.

  • 3 years ago

    by BlueJay

    No one,

    sees the light go out

    as washed out eyes,

    that sparkled once with life and love

    close for the final time

    ^ There really isn't an introduction, but you did jump right into the poem with a great pace and an interestingly penned first stanza. I really like how you make it the end with memories and the use of the words "for the final time". That was well done and a great touch.

    No one,

    hears the final breath

    that whispers out through parched,

    thin lips, once plump and ripe enough to earn

    a young man's kiss.

    ^ I really like the descriptions you chose for this stanza and how you merely elaborated on the person's memories while still telling your story. The word choice here was excellent.

    No one,

    feels the fading pulse

    that beats its final knell inside a heart

    which at wars lonely end

    gave up the will to love.

    ^ This is a great stanza and I love how this one has just a little more emotion than the previous two and how well you have captured the sadness and love and so many other emotions without really saying much at all. Probably the most unique stanza in the piece (in my opinion).

    No one,

    knows the soul beneath

    skin, wrinkled by the stretched

    out years spent wishing

    for a life she never had.

    ^ And finally the conclusion, I like how you stepped away from the senses and put no one knows... instead. That was a great way to wrap up the piece without undoing all the other fabulous metaphors and emotions. Definitely worth the vote in the weekly contest. And extraordinarily beautifully penned.

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