I'm drowning in these tears I refuse to cry,
And my soul is empty and hallow like a lost lullaby.
The one you sang me so long ago,
From the lips of strangers with which I shared a home.
Fragments of a broken childhood float beneath this skin,
Like the tips of your fingers always caressing from within.
I never asked for this crippled life you gave me,
Exiled from my own existence like a refugee.
I never asked for a father to lay his hands,
On a defenseless daughter, shouting demands.
This disgust that I feel every single day,
Of my body and my mind will never go away.
And how can I expect another to love a tortured girl,
Whose mind is constantly in denial as memories unfurl.
For as his fingers reach for the spaces between mine,
Disgust fills my heart and shivers climb my spine.
He'll never be able to hold me in arms big and strong.
For yours were big and strong as well, and disgustingly wrong.
For as innocent as a child's mind always seems to be,
I had the mind of a woman when only a preteen.
Maybe in another life I've got a better chance,
To flee this aching feeling and tiring performance.
But for now I pray, each day that passes by,
The man who did me wrong will fall sick and die.