Comments : Dead Loneliness

  • 7 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    This poem is beautiful! Being gay, I know what this loneliness you describe is like, and it's disheartening to be left alone and forgotten. I wasn't going to comment, but the last verse really hit me. The rest of it was great, but the last verse was effective in driving home the notion of loneliness you were trying to evoke.

    The only corrections I'd make would be:

    someone you can call,
    yours.

    I'd get rid of the comma after "call".

    and

    where you become just another,
    unloved,
    Outcast....

    I'd capitalize the "Where".

    Hang in there, man
    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

    • 7 years ago

      by Kota the Unheard

      Thank you for writing back and giving some advice I greatly appreciate it. Truly. You hang in there too.