Comments : Cacophony between music and silence

  • 9 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    Music and silence are polar opposites,
    unable to harmonise.
    ^
    Enlightening to the reader, placing the obvious in front of us. Kind of like a battle between the two, but then again you can't really have one without the other as neither would exist if the other didn't.

    Continually at war like house Montague and Capulet,
    these star-crossed lovers are destined to fail.
    Only time will resonate the ending of this love,
    when the last beats of music slow down the rhythms of a dying and broken heart.
    ^
    Loved the correlation between the houses of Romeo and Juliet, it gives this poem that extra since of passion and deep seeded love. A tragic love but a passionate one nonetheless. I like the description of how this story will end, you don't sugarcoat how this love will go down, it's blunt and alive midst these two, music and silence.

    Silence, oh silence,
    I sit beside your still lying form.
    This veil of poison in my hands,
    a life without you, I cannot comprehend.
    Each semibreve, minim, crotchet and quaver,
    A now meaningless sound, without your love.
    I come in many forms, genre's and styles...
    I have always tried my hardest to reach the ears,
    of every human being, from elderly to child.
    Yet without you, my dearest silence,
    I am but an empty and lonely birds bitter melody.
    I drink this poison in hope to be reunited with you,
    in another dimension, where music and silence,
    can forever entwine and consume.
    For in this world we live in,
    society takes for granted, the times meant for music,
    and the beautiful serenity of silence.
    ^
    There are musical terms I was no familiar with but after finding out what they mean it really gives this stanza and the poem that extra oomph sort of speak. Again you've blown me away with the vivid illustration in this stanza and how detailed it truly is. I can so clearly imagine what is happening, the scene and the emotions that are being felt among the characters. The cry of pain and anguish is real telling.

    Holding onto lovers hands,
    musical tears serenade through the poison eroding passages, of a star-crossed lovers fate.
    Death happily submerges, capturing the life of music - treble clef to bass.
    The world is now forever silent.
    The musical heart, has been erased...
    ^
    I like the play on words of music and silence here and how music is now silent, clever approach. The way you incorporated an aspect of Shakespeare also really gripped me. Star-crossed lovers fate is used so beautifully here but yet a somber tone, magnificent.

    In the absence of musical symphonies,
    silence awakens from its deepened sleep.
    Looking down upon his one an only,
    laying cold, lifeless, frail and silently still.
    The musical hearts, time signature of 4 by 4 beats,
    no longer playing from deep within.
    As silence darkens the void of life...
    A whisper submerges...
    A life without music,
    is a life I no longer am apart of.
    Music itself is life,
    and knowing you has been a blessing in disguise.
    You filled the empty and missing parts of me,
    With musical notes and lullabies.
    This world cannot go on,
    without your sweet music,
    emanating across the earths dawn to star lit skies.
    Never did I feel music's passion,
    until I tasted it on the tips of my lips.
    ^
    Powerful, utterly powerful! The way you described the music not playing deep within anymore was very powerful in this stanza, It grasps the entire stanza in a while and the untimely fate for these two. Only to awaken from a deep sleep to see the love of their life lifeless and frail, what a way to capture the seconds of silence awaking to the most terrible sight. I love this story and how it just comes together so well with Romeo and Juliet.

    With one warm lasting kiss,
    Bullets are emptied into silences head.
    A tragic ending,
    Opening the doors to societies reconciliation.
    ^
    WHAT A BREATHTAKING ENDING AND WHAT A BREATHTAKING PIECE! The way music and silence truly are linked in life is very well depicted here. You blew me away again. Perhaps one of your best poems. It is so creative and such a strong and artistic way to distinguish between the two opposites.

    "From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
    A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life...
    The which if you with patient ears attend,
    What here shall miss' our toil shall strive to mend."
    Shakespeare
    ^
    Great job quoting Shakespeare here. Adds that extra message you are trying to get across. Love it. Adding to my favorites for sure!
    5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    This is really a stunning piece, Andrew. I loved the direction you took the prompt! Using Shakespeare as inspiration here was very lovely. Romeo and Juliet is my favorite of his, so I have to say I'm rather fond of anything that incorporates it.

    I love the opening line as it is a direct statement that makes the reader question where exactly you are going with it. Of course music and silence are opposites, they cannot harmonize or collaborate in any way. They are continually battling to coexist, to live together and be one, to be in love... but unfortunately, it just cannot be. Nothing but heartache will arise out of this 'relationship'.

    I really love how you personified the story.. how Romeo is the music, Juliet is the silence. The scene of the death where he drinks the poison because he thinks that his one true love has passed away and left him all alone. He cannot bear it! He has no reason to sing if she is not on this Earth with him! So, he drinks, to join his silence. After the music is gone, silence awakens... seeing what is before her, that there is no more music. She will never hear the tune of love again. He showed her that life could be full of beautiful harmonies, she cannot go on to live in a world without music any longer. Not when she had just accepted it to be hers. And once again, tragedy strikes again.

    I loved how you incorporated all of the musical terms! That was lovely to see and fit so well with the Shakespeare and the prompt! Each time I read this piece, I fall more in love with it.

    Beautifully penned, great job!! :D Nominated!

  • 9 years ago

    by cassie hughes

    This poem just takes my breath away.

    The seamless way you have interwoven shakespeare with music is beautiful and the use of Romeo and Juliet lends such passion and tragedy to the piece it brings tears to my eyes.

    The more I read this, the more I love it. A favourite for sure.

    "... I have neither wit, nor words, nor worth,
    Action, nor utterance, nor the power of speech..." to say more.

  • 9 years ago

    by earlgreytea

    Oh my wow. Best poem I have read by a modern poet. 5/5

  • 9 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    You cannot truly appreciate music if you have not heard silence first. I do like how you based the plot on Shakespeare. It was interesting to read it in that way. But it works, romeo and Juliet were lovers from different kind of families. But they fell in love or were in love before hand. This goes hand in hand. You don't think silence to be in love with music but it is kind of true. They are opposites yes, but you really cannot have one without the other. Silence seems to be Juliet and music is Romeo. Heh. Anyways I cannot say much more than what has already been said. Great write Andrew. Very clever! 5/5.

  • 9 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    I've been meaning to read/comment this poem but I was extremely busy with my own life sorry Andrew! Alright let me start this :)

    Music and silence are polar opposites,
    unable to harmonise.
    ^
    you started with a fact which I enjoyed since I love to read a poem now and again that has a fact to it and thank you for making that into this poem!

    Continually at war like house Montague and Capulet,
    these star-crossed lovers are destined to fail.
    Only time will resonate the ending of this love,
    when the last beats of music slow down the rhythms of a dying and broken heart.
    ^
    Makes me think of Romeo and Juliet (hated that story by the way) since you used the feuding families last names and the last two lines are interesting to me since I've passed that phase didn't stop the music only made it a lot more darker. Still beautiful.

    Silence, oh silence,
    I sit beside your still lying form.
    This veil of poison in my hands,
    a life without you, I cannot comprehend.
    Each semibreve, minim, crotchet and quaver,
    A now meaningless sound, without your love.
    I come in many forms, genre's and styles...
    I have always tried my hardest to reach the ears,
    of every human being, from elderly to child.
    Yet without you, my dearest silence,
    I am but an empty and lonely birds bitter melody.
    I drink this poison in hope to be reunited with you,
    in another dimension, where music and silence,
    can forever entwine and consume.
    For in this world we live in,
    society takes for granted, the times meant for music,
    and the beautiful serenity of silence.
    ^
    Love that it flowed very nicely, didn't have any forced rhyme to it that I could see very nice job Andrew! I loved that you stated yet another obvious fact that you need balance of everything and yet made it so romantically about the silence and the music and even wishing for it all to truly balance in another time and space, even making silence be the villain and music a hero like life everything will always be darkness and light.

    Holding onto lovers hands,
    musical tears serenade through the poison eroding passages, of a star-crossed lovers fate.
    Death happily submerges, capturing the life of music - treble clef to bass.
    The world is now forever silent.
    The musical heart, has been erased...
    ^
    Love and I mean truly love the imagery placed in this stanza the rest of the poem is lovely too but this is just "wow" in my mind thank you for making this poem but most importantly for making this stanza.

    In the absence of musical symphonies,
    silence awakens from its deepened sleep.
    Looking down upon his one an only,
    laying cold, lifeless, frail and silently still.
    The musical hearts, time signature of 4 by 4 beats,
    no longer playing from deep within.
    As silence darkens the void of life...
    A whisper submerges...
    A life without music,
    is a life I no longer am apart of.
    Music itself is life,
    and knowing you has been a blessing in disguise.
    You filled the empty and missing parts of me,
    With musical notes and lullabies.
    This world cannot go on,
    without your sweet music,
    emanating across the earths dawn to star lit skies.
    Never did I feel music's passion,
    until I tasted it on the tips of my lips.
    ^
    Lots of detail placed in this stanza I find it beautiful and amazing how you took the Romeo and Juliet concept into this poem through out

    With one warm lasting kiss,
    Bullets are emptied into silences head.
    A tragic ending,
    Opening the doors to societies reconciliation
    ^
    Love the bullets since it differs from the Romeo and Juliet part since they took poison or a potion to make them appear dead (of them at least) and you spanned it out to your own poem! Great job

    "From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
    A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life...
    The which if you with patient ears attend,
    What here shall miss' our toil shall strive to mend."
    Shakespeare
    ^
    Interesting ending Andrew I ponder why did you sign as the dead poet who made the tragic lovers just to live? May someone else figure out the meaning I just can't think at the moment, either way great read! 5/5

    -Mori