Comments : Loner

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    "Born alone
    and have lived alone."

    - This opening is simple yet it reminds me of admitting and getting straight to the point about what we are facing. I feel like you just tell your story. You are now living alone and have always lived alone since you can remember. Only a suggestion, but maybe you could edit to:

    Born alone, and I?
    I have lived alone.

    Overall, your voice is strong in this poem and it reaches the reader. There's a story in there that you are telling the reader of how you tried to be victorious, climb out of the isolation, then in the end how it seems to me you may isolate so you don't hurt others? So that pain doesn't affect them? But we all have issues, and sometimes sharing them is half-solving them, as I was told recently by someone. Such a soft ending and I feel hope in your words, a certain beauty in sadness. That you still respect the earth yet choose to distance yourself.

    I do think you could experiment a bit more with punctuation? Use dashes or parenthesis to establish inner monologue such as in the fifth stanza with "my torment" or "for this is my forfeit".

    Take care.

    • 9 years ago

      by Gasttlee

      Thank you for your thoughts and feedback. It's very helpful and appreciated.