Howling At The Concrete Moon

by Mihir Deshmukh   Nov 16, 2014


A lot, I have written for you,
but these lines would be the last few.
For I'm tired of giving out hollow screams,
I am leaving, this land of dreams.

This poor heart that you broke,
still cries, still dies with every stroke.
Still yet, it beats, chanting your name,
It's addicted to you, and I am to blame.

I still remember the day you kissed me,
the day when you and I became we.
And also the day you tore me apart,
cut me up, and burnt me,part by part.

But I thought, I could find reason in you,
maybe ignite a spark, build something new.
But never mind,for everything would be over soon,
for tired is your hound, of howling at the concrete moon.

3


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Latest Comments

  • 1 month ago

    by Milly Hayward

    A heart wrenching piece about unrequited love. "I still remember the day you kissed me the day when you and I became a we" portrays in a nutshell something of the nature of the girl who played with his heart. Milly x

  • 8 months ago

    by Naughtymouse

    " A lot, I have written for you,
    but these lines would be the last few.
    For I'm tired of giving out hollow screams,
    I am leaving, this land of dreams."

    ^^^^^^
    Now this is how you start a poem, I love this write so much and i wish i could nominate it to highlight it so I genuinely hope that everyone who see's my comments comes and takes a look.

    Your word choice is great and I love the idea of " The Concrete Moon" such descriptive writing throws all sorts of emotions and imagery in to the mix.

    Added to favs so I can come back and read again, fantastic job!!!

    Ben

    • 8 months ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank you so much Ben for taking the time to read it and appreciate it. Your comments are always appreciated! :)

  • 3 years ago

    by BlueJay

    A lot, I have written for you,
    but these lines would be the last few.
    For I'm tired of giving out hollow screams,
    I am leaving, this land of dreams.

    ^ This is an interesting introduction and it truly captures the reader even though it still directs the piece at one specific person. The sadness creeps in so fast but it seems as though the theme of love or some kind of care/affection will still be underlying. I especially like the touch of calling your relationship with this person a land of dreams.

    This poor heart that you broke,
    still cries, still dies with every stroke.
    Still yet, it beats, chanting your name,
    It's addicted to you, and I am to blame.

    ^ This stanza not only moves on the story line and pours out your heart as broken as it may be but it also shows that being hung up on this person is very much an issue or painful thing that you do not believe you can overcome just yet. I find the way you worded this stanza to be interesting if nothing else.

    I still remember the day you kissed me,
    the day when you and I became we.
    And also the day you tore me apart,
    cut me up, and burnt me,part by part.

    ^ I believe the word we at the end of the second line should be in quotations but that may just be me being strange lol The last line definitely leaves an impact on the audience and a greater punch to the soul this was intended for.

    But I thought, I could find reason in you,
    maybe ignite a spark, build something new.
    But never mind,for everything would be over soon,
    for tired is your hound, of howling at the concrete moon.

    ^ This is an interesting conclusion but the final line definitely makes a statement and it ended the piece in a very creative way.

    This was definitely a unique read though I must say the rhymes seemed to diminish the flow a bit.

    Otherwise well penned

    4/5

  • 3 years ago

    by Everlasting

    I still remember the you kissed me,
    the day when you and I became we.
    And also the day you tore me apart,
    cut me up, and burnt me,part by part.

    ^ this is my favorite part.

    • 3 years ago

      by Mihir Deshmukh

      Thank You actually it's my favorite part too reminds me of my inspiration for this one.

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