Comments : Repeat Offenders

  • 3 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    H-o-l-y-m-o-l-y!

    I have to say that this is a magnificent write, ihave said this before on a previous piece but you just can't write like this without having been there.....vocab, tempo and the emotion is awesome.

    "My heart is held captive,
    confined by the walls you
    helped me build,
    only to tear down...again.

    We're repeat offenders -
    love is a prison you can
    never escape. "

    Just wondefully written :)

  • 3 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    I really love the spin you took on this piece, so different from the normal that the rest of us wrote. You kind of did a double view point here or you mention the "person" in jail but they do not speak. The person feels trapped by love so they know how the other one feels. It seems to me that they are counting the days until they can be together again. You kind of made them to be in synch with the same mind set. They promised each other different things, one is not to get into anymore trouble and the other one to not meet the other person when they return home, the only other home they have known besides jail. Love is a prison so the comparison between the two people is wonderful here. The metaphor here was really great and well penned. 5/5

  • 3 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I did adore this poem Hannah, and how you managed to make your version of this challenge so different to the others. To use the main theme as love, instead of focusing on the crime or prison itself, very clever.

    I like your opening line, very strong and I like show you made it stand on its own for extra impact.

    I really love the way you describe the countdown for each character, only you score off the days in the morning, and the other scores them off at night.

    I also really like this line :

    My heart is held captive,
    confined by the walls you
    helped me build,

    /I think this creates a really strong message because you are implying that the walls are only there because of this other person, perhaps once walls of comfort and protection, only now they do not offer you this, but instead offer you the feeling of being trapped inside a prison.

    Very interesting take on the poem, and your ending is so true Hannah, great way to leave the reader's thoughts. In a way they can feel they can relate to your words, and the message at the end!

    Very good write.

    Congratulations on your win too!

  • 3 years ago

    by CuteThingsGoneWrong

    I think your very clever at manipulating the prompt into something that your comfortable writing which i think is a skill in its own! I dont know if thats just you challenging yourself or what but I do enjoy your works and how you bring a big part of you to every piece you write.

    The theme of love i thought i was odd, but you nailed it better then most of the other prompts! Gorgeous in my opinion and the creativity of bringing it all together, and the simplicity of the feel, surpassed most of my expectations but that seems to be your trademark in a lot of the poetry ive read from you.

    Guess I'll know better next time :3

  • 3 years ago

    by BlueJay

    This is a very unique use of the challenge prompt but it definitely leaves its mark on the audience. Excellent job Hannah.

  • 3 years ago

    by Karla

    Lovely piece!

  • 3 years ago

    by cassie hughes

    I love what you did with this challenge piece. Such a different take on the theme and so emotional. You always leave me in awe of your talent.

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Excellent rhythm - really well written.