Comments : Empty Suitcase

  • 2 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    I loved this entry Hannah, this was one of your short poems that holds so much in it.

    I love the creativeness of the suitcase, and how you have combined this, and clothes, with the relationship you describe.

    I also like the middle part of the poem where you list the time, as this emphasises on just how much time you have spent, and how long it feels.

    You also inserted a lot of items that relate to the clothing, which was clever, such as the stains and the irons, and the unbuttoned clothing. I enjoyed this part of it, I admire your skill in being able to do this in your poetry.

    Well done on the win for this challenge, great job.

  • 2 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    I can only echo what Baby Rainbow has said, from what i've read you have such a great ability of saying so much with few words, it is part of your style i admire greatly.

    I really Really Liked this poem. Awesome!

  • 2 years ago

    by cassie hughes

    Brilliantly creative write that met the challenge so very well.

    The idea of the suitcase and all its contents was inspired and I love the way you manage to fit so much meaning into so few words.

    Well done. :)

  • 2 years ago

    by Beautiful Soul

    This is really good Hannah, pretty unique as I've never seen anyone incorporate laundry in a poem. I believe this is saying, you have had words deep inside of you but you could not get them out, because your mind was elsewhere. Your life is so busy those thoughts are packed up somewhere in a suitcase, ready to leave. I like this for it's creative metaphor and catchy words. You often make the reader think about your thought provoking thoughts, you say so much in so little. That's what gets me :). 5/5

  • 2 years ago

    by shadow

    Love the metaphors!

  • 2 years ago

    by The Poet Behind The Poems

    I thought this was very clever... I loved it
    It hits the heart so raw... Yet your words were so delicate....

    Pieces like this can inspire people... A simple object
    But worded right can bring out such a beautiful and well written piece...

    You never disappoint such a talent amazing.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Hannah this is wonderful. Written so elegantly. You say so much without saying much at all because the emotion runs deep making it really powerful.

    These words have been
    stuck in the depths
    of darkness,
    crumpled beneath
    unbuttoned laundry
    and mosaic memories.
    ^^
    Love this opening. It's very relatable. Words being stuck anywhere is bad but for them to be stuck in the darkness and crumpled beneath laundry shows that they have been stuck in your mind for so long and need to come out.

    I've spent

    hours
    days
    months
    years
    ^^
    Spending any length of time dwelling over past times or good/bad memories is no good because it gets us nowhere (and I know that from experience) especially when the dwelling has been done for some time. What helps (though hard) is to try moving on.

    soaking stains
    that inspired a
    clothes line of
    parched metaphors;
    trying to iron
    our antiquity
    into an arrow
    pointing me
    in your direction.
    ^^
    This is my fave stanza. The imagery here is perfectly written. I can imagine a Person badly unable to control the tears and wiping the away (or not) onto clothes possibly clothes of those of a person they once loved dearly and pegging out the clothes to dry so the tears don't stain then trying to iron out creases, of past memories but it makes it hard as everything points back to them. Beautiful but so sad.

    Always
    folding what's left
    of you into an
    empty suitcase.
    ^^
    Wonderful ending.

    Em

  • 6 months ago

    by pmmurphy

    I am not sure what the challenge was. But this poem was fun to read :)