Haven't read a poem from you in so long! Hope you'll be posting more soon.
The imagery you present is simple but through that I am able to imagine being in your footsteps, the mystery of the forest and how contemplative you are about life. It definitely makes me think of rebirth and though there is a feeling of pain and suffering, I feel you want to be a part of a greater world, that connection to nature as well... I'm reminded of reincarnation too?
A few suggestions if you don't mind.
"i could climb one and
Catch a cloud."
- Capitalize your "i" and make the "c" in "Catch" lowercase since you're just continuing the thought onto the next line?
"I'll be the miss covered rocks and"
- Did you mean "mist covered"? wasn't sure on that one
"In the spring
On the spot where my body was buried
Under the pine needles,
Under the snow."
- Don't have to take my suggestion, it's only an idea. But use more punctuation for the first two lines like:
"In the spring...
on the spot where my body was buried -
under the pine needles,
under the snow"
- I feel like you could do more with that line "In the spring" as it could work as being part of the line before or being a part of the next few lines. That distinction is there, that transition so maybe separate onto its own line? I also like how you mention the spring and then the reality of the snow. They contrast each other but it makes me hear your yearning for that season and makes me wish for it sooner.
Thank you everybody for the comments. I appreciate it. Haha, yeah "miss" is actually supposed to be moss. As well as my other mistakes...I just did not catch them. I am uploading from a Kindle so i am not used to the keyboard quite yet!! And yes, I know I haven't uploaded anything in such a long time, because I did not have internet access.....but now I do so I need to catch up and upload my stuff :)
I find this poem by Hannah to be filled with the powerful content of depression, and how much it can truly take over your life. The imagery of this woman giving herself back to the earth, and waiting for death to make her part of everything around her, is so raw and touching. It is also very contrasting to feel such sadness, yet show the outcome of death making you a part of everything beautiful. Deep and powerful write.
2 years ago
by Ben Pickard
Just read this and another one of your poems - really good writing - some excellent imagery.