WOW!!

This is awesome! I reread it over and understood it a lot better. It does a great job at invoking a lot of emotion. Really grips you in. The dialogue feels like the narrator is talking directly to the audience. The whole thing feels channeled, and raw.

The "uh-uh" part threw me off a little bit, just because there is like five different ways, or contexts, to make that sound, and I couldn't make it fit as the reader.

Judging Comment

I loved how this was written, the original poem was lovely but this one was just a tad more stunning than the one before! Two great poets remaking something grand is just so lovely to read; the {} and [] were an interesting way of knowing who was which part.
The simplicity is nice so it tells a story that's easy to read and understand, not very hard to comprehend what's going on in this particular poem. Very blunt in emotions and imagery it's something worth reading when wanting to read a poem on a rainy day.

- Moria Bella Bair -