Woosh. This poem is wonderful Dashiel and I had no idea this was yours in the contest. First of all the rhyming is great in my opinion, it flows well throughout the poem. This poem might be short yes, but it makes an impact on the reader and I assume you (the person who wrote this, because there seems to be a lot of personal touch in this as well), but Through my eyes, I see a person who cannot fall asleep and in their insomnia they are thinking and writing about what comes into their head and heart. There is a great deal of pain here as well. Though it seems to be masked by The thoughts. anyways. There is always a great deal of loss within ourselves when we hurt for others. Our thoughts wander from one to the next and in that it makes it difficult to do anything. Overall this is a great piece. 5./5
When the night is sound asleep
but my heart is not to keep.
I love this phrase. When we suffer from insomnia and everything around us is silent
but we can't sleep. We start thinking and our mind is shifting in many different directions hoping to get some peace. I feel some pain in this write and expressing these feelings through your writing making it less painful. It is very touching and most of us can relate. You did a great job and added to my favorite.
3 years ago
You write so beautifully, this piece is almost simple but staggeringly beautiful to read, i always read poetry aloud because when you read aloud the words seem to effect me so much more than when i read in my head, everything like word choice, tempo flow etc in my opinion is flawless, Im so glad you wrote this....i dont mind admitting im alittle jealous i didn't write it lol (joking)
Just Beautiful, 5/5, Nominated, added to favourites, put tinsle on it and a fairy and call it a freaking christmas tree!!
I really like this one. The rhymes are well done. I just love reading this one aloud. Though I have yet to wonder what it is about. The night is sound asleep... does that mean is morning? Now who begins to wander? the night or your heart?