Comments : Saffron Metaphors (Villanelle)

  • 8 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Ohhhh my goodness..... You wrote this form with grace and made the ladies swoon... Love this!

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Thank you so much MT!

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Another stunning write, Koan; keep it up!
    All the best,
    Ben

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Thank you friend!!!

  • 8 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    I have become Tyrant Love's languishing prey

    ^^I like the combination here. A tyrant as we know is brutal and a big bully but to be in the clutches of a tyrant's love now one can say that there is a softness. Or because you don't want to fall in its trap but at the same time can't help but be a tyrant love. At least that is what I can get at.

    Villanelle- now for this form I honestly can never write this form. Have tried but never works out like the way you have penned it here. Its so flawless-the rhymes, rhythm, usage of words and the portrayal of emotions has all come hand in hand with beauty! Excellent work!

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Im just blown away how accurate you are with your reply!!! ~smiles~

      The hardest part with this poem was to find two lines that works in every stanzas and as a couplet. Thank you so much for reading me and for commenting on my poem

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Koan,

    wow, this is a wonderful Villanelle. Like Meena, i have had a stab at this form, but all the attempts get screwed up into a ball and tossed into the bin. Trying to find the right line that fits into the overall theme is the hardest and then the rhyme scheme and meter... well all this is a challenge and some, but you have pulled the rabbit out of the hat in my eyes.

    This is my favourite stanza:
    In sorrow's whirlpool my merriment days still lay
    Yet, with a hope-winged heart, perpetual dreams I chase
    Oh let this drowning plea strike heaven's azure bay
    ^
    Being happy but still being unhappy in ones core is bitter sweet and your words are beautiful, like: Hope-winged heart. Wanting/ hoping for a heart to feel carefree and full of love...

    Well done. I am sorry I cannot nominate this right now.

    Take care,

    Michael

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Thank you Michael for your reply!!
      "I am sorry I cannot nominate this right now."

      ^^^No worries friend! I wish I could nominate too but I dont have enough credentials yet hahaha

  • 8 years ago

    by Cindy

    What a beautiful piece this is....it reaches out and grips the heart of the reader.
    Take care
    Cindy

  • 8 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Perfect flow and rhyming scheme. Loved that the title was either extracted from the poem, or the poem itself inspired by the title. Mentioning Saffron metaphors in the last stanza just gave this a nice taste.

    I enjoyed reading and rereading. There is a field in this poem, a whole field.

    Also the form has a very lyrical musical sound in its repetitive pattern, which also added beauty and I bet it is challenging to build it the way you did without falling somewhere. So hats off !!

    • 8 years ago

      by Koan

      Thx