Comments : Cellophane

  • 2 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    An oppressive and claustrophobic write, Meme, which is thoroughly effective.

    "Have you ever tasted the deprivation of air"

    ^^^^^^^^

    This is an excellent line.

    My only suggestion would be "Don't kiss me with lies anymore" rather than "no more". But that's just my personal opinion.
    All the very best and well done on this excellent write,
    Ben

    • 2 years ago

      by Meme

      Was thinking of changing it to "anymore" but then I kept it. Your suggestion helped confirm my original wording, I will change it now :)

      Oh and that line is my favorite too!

      Thank you a lot Ben

  • 2 years ago

    by Cindy

    Very thought provoking piece. I feel someone trying to get free. We all need to breathe...sometimes when you love someone it's hard to let go.
    Great job!
    Take care Cindy

    • 2 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you for the comment :)

  • 2 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    Your words are so powerful and I truly love your metaphors.... sighs, you are very powerful with writing your heart and mixing it with metaphors.... just beautiful my sweet!

    • 2 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you maple :)

  • 2 years ago

    by Boy

    I am burning with my own
    heartbeats, I can't breathe,
    .
    I need to breathe.
    .
    .
    Please!

    beautifully written. nice poem and great words you used in this poem. good work. God Bless you