Signs

by J Nair   Dec 2, 2015


Stiff and creaking joints--
Nature's way of warning you.
"Beware of the Fall"

modified :3/12/2015 Thank you Ingrid.
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Stiff and creaking joints
Nature's way of warning you, "watch your steps,
Here comes the fall".

Jay @2/12/2015
Attempt 2 : Haiku.

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    You actually have really good ideas with your haiku, so once you get the syllable count correct, they will be excellent!
    All the best

    • 8 years ago

      by J Nair

      Thank you Ben for the motivation. :)

  • 8 years ago

    by Ingrid

    Hi Jay,

    This needs a little tweaking as it now has too many syllables on the second line and also the third line should be a statement all on its own, a real twist. The title is great, needs no work. I fooled around a little with the words, see what you think:

    Stiff and creaking joints--
    Nature's way of warning you.
    "Beware of the Fall"

    Take care,
    Ingrid

    • 8 years ago

      by J Nair

      " Beware of the Fall" - wow Ingrid how do you do this. It is completely transformed. More Impactful too.

      Thank you :)
      (( hugs))
      Jay.

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Jay,

    Again, lovely idea here. I think I counted 19 syllables, though and haiku must be no more than 17.
    What about:
    stiff and creaking joints
    nature's warning you, "watch your
    steps, here comes the fall."

    By taking out the "way of" takes it to 17, I think. Just an idea - play around with it....you're almost there!
    All the very best

    • 8 years ago

      by J Nair

      Thanks Ben!! ya i get it now.

      l will try again.
      Jay :)