Comments : A day to remember (French Bread prompt) (HM)
2 years ago
by Ben Pickard
There! A few hours into my recharged votes, and you have the last of them already, damn you! :)
I think Larry mentioned on the main thread that you were a master of the genre, and he was spot on. The detail and storytelling of this piece is wonderful indeed and deserves a place on the winners' board next week, in my view at least.
Loved it the second time I read it and love it even more after reading it through again. I do not have to even begin mentioning the significance of this piece in this dark time we live in. You have pulled a masterstroke here.
All the best, Michael,
This poem had me solidly enraptured all the way through. The entire introduction and mid-performance are so concrete that I feel like I'm watching a film. You do more than show the scene, you breathe life into these characters: Pierre with his embarrassed fumbling, gaining courage, Amelie, with her initial chagrin and growing wonderment.
Your device of describing the action in English with French dialogue enchants the reader.
The denouement, though, blows me away (yes, I did that pun). Unexpected, NO foreshadowing, just as life gives no warning of these attacks. The description of the carnage avoids the predictable, keeping the poem original and engaging.
Finally, the dove, symbol of peace, worked as bookends: at the beginning it gives hope and spring-cheer, while at the end, leaving that solitary feather. This feather, reminiscent of the one at the end of Forest Gump, descends rather than floats away - sharp contrast to the expected symbolism. Dropping into the pool of blood - now it becomes a religious symbol of sacrifice, but in this case, an unwilling sacrifice by all but the terrorist.
Wonderful poem, Michael. It will grace the front page as no poem has done in ages.
There is so much about this poem that I love. You have captured the essence of a Paris street so well here. The pastries, the coffee...the chatter ooh la la! Magnifique!
I liked how you added a few french words/sayings here and there...it just gave the story some more depth and together with naming the characters I actually felt I was there with them and...held my breath at the proposal!
By adding something that is very current in our society you played a winning card...the story never got an ending, at least not one the reader wished for.
Overall...this had me gripped by the heart...what a storyteller you are my friend...very well done!
Excellent piece of art you have created here Michael!!
the words have the potential to create a tangible image i never knew.
the scene on the parisian street , like a GIF image keeps replaying again and again in my minds eye- 'of a shy and sensitive lover, proposing to the love of his life mere moments; even before he could receive her consent.....a dramatic pause and the whole scenario changes**** every thing is blown off into smithereens- And echoing in the background is the name of Divinity used as an excuse to shatter an innocent world.
A marvellous piece.