Comments : He Gives me Stars

  • 1 year ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    My heart, this touched my heart so much and I'm not even in your shoes but how I can feel even an ounce of the pain you are going through.

    Again, such few words after reading. Thank you for sharing this. A person doesn't even have to know you well to see how dear he is to you. How his suffering is yours. How you both need strength.

    (Side note: In second to last stanza, "know" should be "no")

    Keep hoping, holding on <3

  • 1 year ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    This has touched my heart and I feel the pain, you can feel it through this write. You can tell how dear this person is to you, he is your life, body and soul. The fire in his eyes has faded and the stars in soul he has given to you since you are his light. You are one extreme strong person and thank you for sharing. Hugs

  • 1 year ago

    by Poetess

    :( you are stronger than I could ever be.

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Andrea,

    after reading it quickly I can tell by my glazed eyes that this is full of emotion:

    I've scraped surfaces
    of what needs to be
    written, fingernails
    bleed a bit more
    each day.
    ^
    a great piece of imagery here. The frantic clawing and the injury caused by simply trying to imagine what it is like to feel someone else s suffering. We as poets try to climb into another's skin in an attempt to do justice to another's feelings. This is a good simile for that difficult/ impossible task...

    Its a heavy burden
    to dwell about poems
    that scattered within
    a fall moon sky.
    ^
    I am not sure, but did you mean 'fall' moon or 'full' moon? either way can work.

    October fell upon its knees
    begging for forgiveness,
    the day my love became
    ill.
    ^
    The image of a sorry month, wishing it was not the bearer of such terrible news is a super poetical expression. Well done.

    Our leaves froze early that year-
    ^
    Winter came early. In other words, the feeling of warm emotion vacated, leaving only winter cold.

    To watch the other half of my soul
    wither like a a slow, decayed tree,
    it's hard for me to forgive Autumn.
    ^
    I do like the way blame is cast onto Autumn. How else do we come to terms with the big question, why?
    A typo with ' a a' and a suggestion, maybe instead of 'decayed' tree a 'decaying' tree. like chemo slowly draining life away. Just a suggestion.

    I watch him suffer
    as my smile begins to fade.
    ^
    The action of losing a sense of happiness as his suffering takes its toll on him and you is described so well and succinctly.

    Before Chemo; He reminisces.

    He's losing his fire,
    the sparkle in his eyes
    start to fade.
    ^
    The reduction of the man is so sad.
    The use of the word 'fade' is apt and perhaps more so the more its used...

    I no longer see stars
    within his soul, because he gives
    them away-
    ^
    here the title is given meaning:
    His inner energy is drifting away, he knows this and so gifts his 'stars' to those he loves.

    He gives them to me
    so that I can be strong for both of us....
    ^
    This is really powerful. He doesn't give them to just anyone, he gifts them to his only love so she can shine for them both.

    Andrea, you have done a wonderful job of climbing into the shoes of a couple going through the hardest journey of all.

    Take care,

    Michael

    • 1 year ago

      by Maple Tree

      Dear Michael,

      I did mean to use fall, my husband was diagnosed with lymphoma non Hodgkin's in October of 2010. It is our shoes I write of....a very low day for him yesterday, actually has been for a few months now. Thank you for your wonderful comment, truly appreciate it.

  • 1 year ago

    by Melpomene

    Andrea,

    This poem is heart breaking for me to read. I can't imagine the struggles you and your husband must be going through. It's one thing to have the illness such as this which can be devastating, but it's also another to watch someone you love suffer every day. While the illness is different, I can relate to watching someone suffer and lose parts of themselves while trying to fight through.

    You have a lot of symbolism throughout this poem that is very fitting. 'Autumn' was a great start to describe decay, however the month is also probably symbolic to you of the time Jim became sick. I found that a lot of your imagery linked to nature but of course specifically autumn, even 'fire', which as we know the colour is very symbolic of that season.

    The last few lines were emotional for me. They hit me hard. The idea that he has given you the stars in order to be strong. I couldn't write something more heart breaking even if I sat down and tried. This write is touching in many ways, it has a sweetness and a bitterness to it. I am so sorry you are both experiencing such times.

    All my love to you.

  • 1 year ago

    by Someone Invisible

    The day my love became ill...

    I love this because if you ended here then it could mean the emotion, the feelings within yourself, are dying or becoming sick maybe weak; but as you read on and you find you used love as an endearment the poem take a turn in a different, but no less tragic turn...losing one or comong close to losing to cancer is a terrible terroble and draining experience.
    Honestly im never disappointed with your work and this one is no different.

  • 1 year ago

    by Formidable Muse

    Hey Andrea,

    This is a beautifully written, heart-wrenching poem. I feel like it would be unnecessary for me to pick it apart line-by-line and interpret the understanding I get from it because of the pure, raw emotion that I feel radiating from it. I couldn't pass from commenting though. It's just so beautiful.

    It's dripping with love, bitterness, and sorrow but also with hope. Through it I can feel how deeply you and he are connected and that's so powerful.

    A little grammar note because I couldn't leave it unsaid: In stanza two, the word "Its" is missing an apostrophe.

    Stay strong, hope is a powerful thing. <3

    Much love,
    Alexandra

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Andrea,

    Congratulations. *pulls a party popper* A wonderful win from you.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 1 year ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I'm so happy this won! This makes me tear up, love to you both!! <3

  • 1 year ago

    by PETER BAJEH

    Its a nice poem..congrats!

  • 1 year ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Congrats on your win. So well deserved.

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    I totally understand what you were writing about. Having a love one diagnosed with cancer and having to watch them fight for their lives is incredibly hard. You feel so helpless because you can't take the pain away. You know they are dying and there's nothing that's going to stop that. It really sucks.

  • 1 year ago

    by Acoustic Odyssey

    Powerful and heart wrenching. May the stars find there way back to him. Sending much love and positive energy!

  • 1 year ago

    by GB

    Your words in this poem torn my heart, too much love and sincerety, I'm sorry for your husband and I hope he gets better. Great read indeed.