Comments : Dystopia (Senryu)

  • 1 year ago

    by Spontaneity

    It is true that some people only see the bad in life. I know that I have some problems with it sometimes. It can be hard when someone might feel like they have been hit with a wrecking ball right after another, but it takes a true hero to get on with their life, and to see that there are good things out there, not just the bad. Just keep on swimming, I guess. At least that is the way that I interpreted this poem.

    This is a beautiful little senryu. The only thing that I might suggest is moving it from the dark section to the sad section. As I read it, it seems like it is more sad than dark, at least to me.

    Beautiful

    ~S

  • 1 year ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Spring is a beautiful season when everything seems to come back to life. It will open your heart unless it is cold for whatever reason. There are people in this world they just cold by nature and all the beauty in this world will not soften their heart. Very sad but true. That's what I gather from this beautiful piece. Take care

    • 1 year ago

      by Meme

      Thank you both for the comments. And yes, there are people who live with this coldness within them, sometimes they infuriate you with the way they are, but sometimes you just feel sorry for them..

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Meme,

    This is excellent and will receive my nomination on Monday. What's more, I promise I won't forget!
    Senryu don't often get the recognition they deserve here simply because of their briefness, but you fill the page with this one.
    The title really threw me in regards to what the poem related to specifically. Not entirely sure, but doesn't it mean the opposite of utopia? I guess that relates directly to this person's horrible disposition which you sum up wonderfully in three great lines.
    On of the best senryu I have read on this site, I think.
    Well done, Meme and all the best,
    Ben

    • 1 year ago

      by Meme

      Yup it is the opposite of utopia. And thank you for the comment. I love writing senryus they tend to pack things up in few lines, deliever the point directly without going in circles!

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Short but so full of imagery loved this one

  • 1 year ago

    by Darren

    Judges comment

    We spend all of our lives seeking utopia, not realizing that we live in dystopia when we do not achieve our target. How eyes can taste and work is beyond me but it does in this piece. I have heard mentioned on here that a senryu or haiku is a wasted vote, they are too small to grace the front page. That is rubbish. The best small poems tell more of a story than some of the biggest pieces of schlock that appear from time to time. If the last line echoes in your mind it is a great poem. This does just that and is worthy of 7 points.