I don't know what to say apart from this gave me Goosebumps because is was beautifully written yet sad at the same time and I can relate as only this week I have found out a person I know from high school has been diagnosed with cancer. Such a cruel world.
I hope you are ok
1 year ago
by Ben Pickard
First off, this reads like a senryu and I presume that it is, only you haven't labelled it as one which you normally do.
"Every breath you take"
A wonderful (and dark) song by The Police and a wonderful (and dark) little piece this proves to be. As soon as I read the title, there was an air of blackness around it from there.
"A thief stole the room's atmosphere"
Keeping in line with the 'breath' of the title and the idea of breath (like the atmosphere) being stolen away - very clever.
".....the day I heard you have lung cancer"
As Em says, goosebumps and cold chills after reading this damning and cutting last line. So much tragedy and emotion summed up in these lines, Michael which every good piece of this length should achieve - nothing wasted.
The cancer steals the air from the patient and is a thief and a metaphorical thief stole the atmosphere when you heard - very clever Michael......two wonderful senryu in a row from you.
The day My husband and I sat in this dark exam room with the surgeon that had performed his lymphoma biopsy the week before...the atmosphere stole my breath and broke our hearts... I know this feeling all too well unfortunately...
Michael, Wow! You really packed a lot of powerful emotions in these words. My step-dad passed away from lung cancer, it's a horrible disease that's awful to watch your loved one suffer from. Beautifully done! Take care-Brenda
It's been a while since I last was here and now to find this story here is so sad. In 2012 I lost my dad to a very agressive cancer that took his life in less than three months and that spread throughout his organs. The images will never leave me.
I don't know whom this is about, but even if it is one of your parents, who are very much like mine (unfortunately!) you still are shocked and choked because you are bound by blood.
I wish you strength and hope all the good in your life will compensate to some degree for the pain you must be going through,
That C word is very scary, a small write that packs a powerful punch.
I remember the times I've heard this word, not only myself, but family members as well. My heart reaches out to you and I wish for you and your family much strength and peace to help you through this time. Hugs
This is one of those little poems that stops you in your tracks.
A Senryu of perfection. There is a turn in line three, it is a turn in tense and a line that gives hope. 'Have' was used instead of 'Had'. This person is still fighting and if this is based on real experience then good luck to them. Syllables correct.
10 points from me.