It is a very visual poem and if you have ever suffered from anxiety or depression you can relate to the imagery shown here.

There are a few odd characters appearing between the lines which detract from the poem.

Although I loved the imagery and rhyming it was hard for me to maintain such vivid emotions for so many verses. It is just my opinion but I would love to see this poem divided into two poems rather than pare down the current one and lose any of the visuals. The first poem might end on "I'm very very scared" possibly move up a couple of the verses from the second half).

Splitting the poem into two separate poems I feel would give them both more impact. Would be interested in seeing what other people think on this. Hope this helps all the best Milly

Rob

Although a lengthy piece you keep the rhythm, emotion and initial message throughout. I feel as Milly said though that maybe you could split this up and have parts. You do write well.

As a person that suffers anxiety you portray a life with t well.

Em

Rob

Although a lengthy piece you keep the rhythm, emotion and initial message throughout. I feel as Milly said though that maybe you could split this up and have parts. You do write well.

As a person that suffers anxiety you portray a life with t well.

Em

Anybody that suffers from anxiety or depression can relate to this poem. You went step by step what it can do to you. Take care

My friend is someone who deeply struggles with anxiety, so-much-so that it encompasses her life. I find this a very interesting glimpse into her life, of each waking moment. The rhythm was done very well, which is something seeing as everyone reads and writes poems differently, and sometimes the person who write it intends it to be read differently than the reader reads it! All that aside, I have a couple suggestions for a better read:

In the following verse:

"Coping is not an option,
My tears they fall like rain,
Anxiety takes its stranglehold,
And you know this is no game..."

While I was reading, my first thought when I read "my tears they fall like rain" was that it was corny and generic. I don't want to come off the wrong way, but I came up with a couple possible replacement lines that would be more subtle:

Coping is not an option,
and I'm crippled by the pain.
Anxiety takes its stranglehold,
And you know this is no game...

or

Coping is not an option,
and I'm crippled by the shame
Anxiety takes its stranglehold,
And you know this is no game...

Anyway, another change I would suggest for the same verse would be in the last two lines:

Anxiety takes its stranglehold,
And you know this is no game...

I would suggest:

When anxiety takes its stranglehold,
you know this is no game...

It just displaces one of the syllables to the previous line, and the flow is still in tact.

The next correction:

A fatal falling trip...

I would suggest:
A fatal, falling trip...

Next correction:

Again with fear I ask...

I would suggest:

Again - with fear - I ask...

On a note, to sum up my problem with a great majority of these verses, it appears you have a knack for putting punctuation at the end of every line-- regardless of whether or not it belongs. There are a lot of places where you have commas in position for no reason but for it being at the end of the line. I would suggest trying to correct the grammar, and if you're really interested I could do a very thorough look through the poem and edit it for all the grammar errors I see. Just let me know.

Next suggestion:

What have I done to forsake you?
As I cry again all day...

I would suggest:

What have I done to forsake you,
to feel this every day?

It's one syllable less, but I feel it helps with the flow and helps to maintain the highlight on "day", that it's a daily struggle and not simply an "every once in a while" struggle.

Next suggestion:

A wrenching pain where they let you know,
Your soul is theirs to sell...

I would suggest:

A wrenching pain to let you know,
Your soul is theirs to sell...

Same as the last, a syllable less, but it flows better, and you still get the "their" in on the next line to let you know it feels like the anxiety is a person on its own.

Next suggestion:

Its time, you're almost through...

I would suggest:

It's time, you're almost through...

Thought point:

I'm not entirely sure if in the line "Tears fall down my swollen face, Bludgeoned in the rain..." you actually intend to use the word "bludgeoned". Rain can bludgeon you, but you'd want to change the word "in" to "by". Otherwise, for a word replacement, I would suggest to substitute "bludgeoned" with "smudging", to read:
"Tears fall down my swollen face,
Smudging in the rain..."

Next suggestion:

I already commented on the grammar, but the most blatant use of a comma that didn't belong is in this line:

Buried in the ruins of,
That mighty standing wall...

If you removed any end-of-line punctuation, I would recommend it be after the aforementioned "of".

Next suggestion:

Anxiety the devils triangle,

I would suggest:

Anxiety the devil's triangle,

Finally, I feel the second line in the following verse ruins the flow of what many consider to be an important and fundamental introduction to the final verse:

I open my mouth and try to scream,
***But nothing exits the wounds,***
My heart was pierced by their sword,
***And I was taken to the ground...***

Those two lines are clunky, and I would also suggest changing "exits" with "heals" or "seals", but I honestly don't have any suggestions for correcting this. Perhaps a rewrite would be the best bet for these two lines.

Anyway, I hope my suggestions help you, and thank you for insight into the world of anxiety. I have stage anxiety, so I don't really have to deal with anxiety seeing as all I have to do is avoid any stages!

I'm going to refrain from voting as I'd give this a 4/5, and I'd like to see you fix some of your grammar before giving it a 5/5.

-IdTakeABulletForYou

A bit lengthy, but i can see where your coming from. Very touching and felt every single emotion in this.

Great poem Rob.