Comments : Still

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello,

    This is so good that I will need to come back here to comment in full when I'm sat at a PC.

    Bravo...

    Okay, I am back. Thanks Ben for noticing this great poem. Trying to comment using a smart phone is not too smart. Predictive text and fat fingers only leave me frustrated and my phone in pieces. Lol

    I love you, still: like waters streaming tranquil
    along a shore or a canal, just like that - still.
    And when I see the moon above the sky
    I still love you, my darling dear, just like that:

    Oh yes, still.

    Title - to use the single word works well on two levels. 1. The word, the meaning. Whether an adjective, noun, adverb or verb it immediately conjures a subjective meaning. For me, it was an, adjective: not moving or making a sound.

    First half - I like the way you set out your meaning: An honest declaration of love; but more, by using the word 'still' is immediately speaks of love and its history. This love has endured time and is 'still' here, like its own entity tying two forces together.
    The use of a simile is effective in emphasising the extent of this love. The entity of the 'water' is like love; it is moving; yet peacefully calm. The alliteration in the words: still, waters, streaming and tranquil sound lovely as spoken out loud.
    Adding the explanation works well as it allows the word 'still' to add a satisfying full stop.

    Second half - The turn of phrase makes for a unique description. Usually the moon would be in the sky, but here the moon is above the sky. This, to me, makes me see this 'love' as being out of this world. Perhaps, this love will transcend life and 'still' be eternal? The moon is another simile, the visual that can be relied on each night - just like love. It sits above the clouds, above the sky which could shroud it.
    Speaking from the page to the object of love allows the reader to hear the sentiment, realise the explanation of the extent of love. 'just like that' this leads to the...

    Final linking words - 'Oh yes, Still. Like a refrain, this is really hits home the message loud and clear.

    Lucero, I really love this poem of yours. It has a natural beat and flow. It is musical and sends a message that rings like a welcome bell; reassuring resonance from the page to the soul.

    Well done, nominated for sure.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Lucero,

    I will leave the long comment to Michael as he is far better at covering the key points than I am but just to say that this is a lovely little write from you that I enjoyed immensely.

    Take care and all the best
    Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    This is so beautiful! True love and endless love, love the way you wrote this-it's so defining on how you feel about your love-

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Lucero,

    congratulations - a winner from the first read.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 1 year ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Luce, I started to comment on Sunday, but after reading Michael's dissertation I felt I could only detract from what he said so marvelously. Congratulations on the win.

    For myself, I feel the paradox of each of your similes with the word "still" is meaningful and important: still waters that stream, or still water which by nature must be flowing in a canal or ebbing and waxing along the shore, the ever-changing moon (mistress of the tides). Each of these images are of a constant that moves, yet in the movement creates an ever-changing, never different iconic piece of reality. It is like the standing electron wave, which moves so fast that it creates a solid image.

    Just so, your love may ever change, ever evolve, yet remain the same love, ever-renewing.

    Perfection.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    A short yet so elegant piece here. I loved this when I first read it, congratulations on the win well deserved.

    Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Congratulations on a well deserved win. Very well written xx

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Congratulations on the win-well deserving! This poem is so lovely-

  • 1 year ago

    by Yatubeera Resty

    Nice... Actually made me remember those I love.. For its by simple things we are reminded of them just like this poem

  • 1 year ago

    by Yatubeera Resty

    Nice... Actually made me remember those I love.. For its by simple things we are reminded of them just like this poem

  • 1 year ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comments:

    Everlasting grabbed my heart this week and ran with it!

    Sometimes, the best poetry ever is just a few lines, the message within this poem is so powerful it needed to be small and elegant.

    Still and tranquil are words that will make any reader swoon... So pretty!

  • 1 year ago

    by Saerelune

    A remnant comment from the weekly contest:

    "This poem might seem simplistic and too short to be given full points, but I believe that its minimalism is exactly what makes this poem outstanding. The usage of the word "still" with its double meaning was well executed. It's enough to draw the reader into the flow of this poem, which is soft and soothing. I love how this poem blossoms into such a straight-forward statement, simply triggered by seeing the moon above the sky. This poem is a perfect example of using ordinary phrases but turning it nice with tone, flow and repetition."

  • 6 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Still waters and the moon, a perfect combination to talk of true love. Left me in awe. Beautiful write.