Comments : Ghost of a Love

  • 1 year ago

    by Maple Tree

    Ohhhh wow! Love this!

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Wow wow wow. Such a sad reality that although things between 2 people can change they will never be changed if that makes sense. Like the need for each other after all that time was still there.
    I feel the thing watching was her shadow, probably wrong though.

    Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    What a sad poem. The thought of your loved one watching your decline after their death. It actually made a shiver go down my neck at the end. Its comforting at one level that your loved one hasn't left but kind of spooky because then I started to wonder just many other people that have passed on could be watching which is quite disconcerting. Really enjoyed reading it and the complicated thoughts that it inspired in me. Milly xx

  • 1 year ago

    by Belle

    This poem is amazing. It is a comforting thought that those you love are still with you when they pass on.

  • 1 year ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Four years have passed and
    I can still see the cracks in her heart
    right through her smile.

    I don't usually copy and paste quotes from a poem just to compliment it, but that's the case here. This line struck me. I can see the smile in my head, like a face that's near tears but doesn't want anyone to know. Sometimes it's difficult to be empathetic, as you know what people are feeling even when they don't want you to... or when you don't want yourself to know. You described it splendiferously (sorry, my word of the day!) and now I shall go back to reading... (that was the first piece to really hit me, in this work).
    To be corrected:

    And like every night
    I watch her cry in her sleep.
    struggling through nightmares
    caused by the ghost she still loves.

    Suggested correction:

    And like every night,
    I watch her cry in her sleep,
    struggling through nightmares
    caused by the ghost she still loves.

    The following verse is okay, but I would suggest a correction for the flow:

    My attempts of wiping away her tears
    are met with the cold reality-
    she'll never know that I was here.

    [Personal] Suggested Correction:

    My attempts of wiping away her tears
    are met with a cold reality:
    she'll never know that I was here.

    This correction helps to put you in the moment of that reality, I think, and the colon helps build a momentary suspense that you don't necessarily get with the little dash.

    To Be Corrected:

    But tonight
    as I turned away from her,
    I heard a whisper that sent a
    jolt through my empty veins.

    Suggested Correction:

    But tonight,
    as I turned away from her,
    I heard a whisper that sent a
    jolt through my empty veins.

    The only one of the above corrections that I have trepidation suggesting is from the verse "and like every night." It is difficult to get the punctuation to match the rhythm, and I corrected it as closely as I could. I was thinking comma/semi-colon, but I ended up settling with comma/comma.

    Thank you for a great write, and I would say the first verse I mentioned was my favorite. It was an interesting end, because you don't know if the person is on their way to healing or just more nights of being haunted by the past. I can only hope for the best.

    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judge Comments:

    This is prettiest and deeply emotional and touching poem I have read in a while.

    So pretty! I love the mystery and the powerful and touching ending..

    This poem was well written, the format was lovely to the eyes and I was drenched with elegance. Truly a powerful poem!

  • 1 year ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Liz,

    All your poems are written in a voice that touches deeply. Maybe it is just me, but I feel you are an observer of life and your have built a wall around your heart due to past experiences. Sadly so, it then works both ways, they can't reach you, but you cannot truly make contact with others as well. Your poem says that to me.
    Liz with the beautiful heart...free yourself of the past, sweetheart. You are here for one purpose only: to share your unique self xxx

    Love, always

    Ingrid